Life After College...

falling over

2008-08-09T14:53:00.002+08:00

This feeling, wierd..
I can't eat, not even cake!!
I'm liking someone...but he dosen't know
He makes me laugh, but he makes everyone else laugh too
He talks in a nice and sacarstic manner, but does tat to all too
bahh!!

He's got an awesome voice, and is very talented...
Haiz....

I;m not slim, and not pretty why would he like me rite...
It's too wierd!! I keep thinking about him wen i go home...evry nite...wen will this feeling stop!!

2008 - Child's Play

2008-01-14T21:43:00.000+08:00

A new beginning of the end

Been awhile!!! So i;ve started working, kinda like this place, to my surprise it's been 6mths and i;m still in it lol. So wat's been up, nothing really. Spent xmas at home, my aunts from Canada and Oz came down, was fun whil it lasted. Spent new year's alone... boring but not like there was anything much to look forward too.

It's Jan already and quite a few marriages to look forward, one my cuzzie and 2 of me friends. Bleh!! Can't believe i;m like 25 already yikes! I havent done so many things!!! Oh well.... life goes on still right?

My frustrations are so built up
That it comes to a point of no return
It overwhelms me and eats me alive
Till there's left only one big hole
With nothing to gain and noone to blame
It's just totally psyched out how I still withstand it
Tears rolling down the side of face
With only music as my sound escape
Reality bites and dreams are lost
As you slowly feel no remorse
The things I hear and things I speak
Are different from what you may seek
I rant I chant I pray I sulk
but it's only cause I care
It's like learned helplessness
You want to but U won't
You can but you don;t
Someone pick me up and say snap out of it
And get me insync with who I am and what I am doing
I laugh I joke I just might be a clown
Funny on the outside but angry on the in
I somehow feel contended though
Its a wierd feeling of satisfaction
It's like you know you've got things to do but yet
you feel it's all falling through
Mixed up feelings come and go
Noone but the mirror to show
The ugly side when things go wrong
But the sweeter side will never be shown
It's funny how these thoughts come
I never wrote it before I typed it
Noone can understand anybody
Trust and people dont mix
Promises and words can't be kept
Listen but dont react
React later but dont outdo it
Keep ur distance from everybody even if you know the person
from outside in
Transparency is the worst thing to see
The tiny world inside you will then be diminished

How it begins

2007-07-21T15:33:00.000+08:00

How it begins.

Invisibilty clouding my mind
Like a fog on a freeway
A light shines from within
Like a knife that stabbed through
Eyes widen in surprise
Like a deer caught in the headlight
Hands begin to move
Like a puppeteer tucking the strings
Words begin to flow
Like the tears on the face
Sentences begin to grow
Like a bird building its nest
A paragraph soon emerges
Like a fish out of the water
I;m looking at this and thinking
Its a bit wierd but it somehow makes sense.

Awesome x3

2007-06-30T21:07:00.000+08:00

Yatttaaaa!!!! Man I find myself saying this ever so often and yahoo too haha.
Well weeks been alrite till Friday nite!!!
Wow tat was incredible, we had a LASALLE goodbye goodman party! man tat rocked. The crowd I expected really to be more, i mean come on man Alumni. but it was great you know, meeting all the classmates (been a really really long time, and they all look great) met some senior juniors, a real nice get together overall you know.

I went to watch Transformers after the party!!1
Holy hell, tat was the shit man...I really have no words to describe it.
It was incredible, awesome, I would give it 10 emmys awardsx for wateevr category man. It was just whoo!!! Adrenaline pumping, Michael Bay is one hell of a director, god bles him. Of course being be, I went to watch it again today hahah. And u know wat makes a good movie? You go watch it the second time, and the feeling of watching the first one is still there. Just pure picture perfection! I was so psyched by the soundtrack of the movie, I bought the album hahaha. And it was worth it!! and now i;m obessesd on finiding the ring tone for me phone blah!

Just the other day we had a couselling session part of the exam yea. I found out that, I get mostly irritated and agitated and frustrated and angry easily at home then anywhere else. Like for example, now, I;m blogging and suddenly my idiotic dad calls me and tells me to get something from below, and i;m angry. And earlier wen i was watching tv, and my aunt said something about something and my frustration just shot up. I ahve no idea why, just is. But if a friend calls me or anything i;m fine with it. Anger problems? I think it starts with family. Till the next!

Popular, I wanna be Popular

2007-06-17T20:06:00.001+08:00

A new job, a new day. Life is looking up, dreams can start being realised. I feel good, but sometimes having the feeling of good can be bad, and what u have in front of you will be bad. So i;m trying not to be too excited and am trying not to keep my hopes to high up. I mean come on I;m wokring in Sinda, all indians, not that i;m against them or anything, hey I'm indian, It's just tat it's Sinda for crying out loud. I took it because seriously, i needed a job lol, its good pay and it's contract for one year. So hey why not, take a job for one year, then after hopefully a better job comes along and i shall go for tat yea. Hehe.

I'm starting to have ideas and plans, that I'm afraid I can'[t acheieve or can't reach. I know brooding about it ain't helping unless I do something about it. But everytime I wanna start doing that something or that urge to know tat if I did that I know it would work, but there's always the emotion of fear that stops me from doing the things I wanna do. What if it dosent work out, What if this What if tat. I keep analysing the what if's and suddenly find that the project is not worth doing. It's called putting myself down and it really sux, I wish I was more bold at times and more just out there, sometimes I feel I wanna be somewhat famous, for everybody to know who I am, must be a crab thing. I wanna do a bit of everything, I;m 24 and yet i still dunno know what I want in life. I wanna hang out with the "cool" gang, be someone "cool", I know it's not like me to mention this, I keep telling everyone it dosen't matter not to be cool, Cool is being yourself. I am myself, but I still feel like an outcast. Maybe its the way I portray myself, I am fat and ugly and am not cool. Pathetic innit, oh well, I have to start doing something and hope my flesh is as strong as my mind. It's always been weak and now I hope it can be strong.

Thing is I always want to try, but I am afriad to go further then think it. Like I have a project in my mind, I type it out, it looks good then suddenly I find myself thinking it won't work. I tell my friends they say it's a good idea, but that's it and that's a full stop for me too. I have to be pushed and there;s noone there to do it. The only way i push myself to finish something it put off something till the very last minute where I hacve no choice but to finish it. *Sigh* OH well tat's my life. and I hope there will be some changes soon.

Grrrrr

2007-05-01T13:05:00.000+08:00

Life's Temporary. Like New years' Resolution...
So live it while u're still breathing
Dont take anything to heart and stress yourself out, unfortunately we're human
and human's think too much, well at least i do, every givene sec
My mind race thoughts, whether in a bus, cab or even now, while typing this, I;m thinking something else. People think too much of themselves today, becoz of him becoz of her, my life is like, they dont realise the ordeal they put their families or friends surrounding them through. But it's my life, yes once your parents are dead and u're the only one left then it becomes ur life. But life's short, so live happy, dont be down, dont be put down, dont even have the thought of wanting to die for another somebody, coz it kills many others around u mentally. I wanna leave this place, I'm so pissed at him, he didnt even tell me, how could he, he knew most about it. Its just a freaking game, deal with it and move on. Dont take it seriously, coz if you do. no one;s gonna liek u...

Psyched Out!

2007-04-26T03:35:00.000+08:00

Referring to Sal's comment left on my previous entry, Miami Ink 2 is out did u know? I watched it just hahah they;re all put on weight hahah. I like Chris Garvers, height and laid backness, I like Ami's smile and care freeness, I liek Yogi's Determination and foucs, I like Nunez anything goes attitude and his eyes lol, and I like Teddy's cuteness and graphic drawings and i Love Kates incredible emotions graphic people tattoos. She's freaking awesome man.

Dont knwo what to do, sitting on the fence, to jump or not to jump. Choices, is there such a thing? Its a delusion not an illusion. It what we want tat make us resolve to choices, but if u dont to something u love, what are u living for. Every person has a goal, whether to pay their bills or to see further than that into the future, a person has a goal. To ahcieve that goal we make choices, if they are bad, we still have a choice whether to stick to it or not. If they are good, again u still have a choice, whether u are contended or u want better. I am at a point where i;m torn in between reality and surreality. I know what I want and then I dont know whether what I want is a neccessity for me or issit because I want it because people say I have to have it. I want to say no, leave me alone and let me take my time. but time waits for no one and life is too short. Decisions are based on emotions, if u're emotional abnout a subject dont make decisions, push it aside an look at it later. I tend to react almost immediately and I think it's becoming a very big problem. I can't make a decision a stick on it, I always want better, issit wrong? People look at me and talk to me funny, they think i don;t know it, but I really just dont care. I you think I cannot make it, so be it. If you think u;re way better than me, so be it. I have my life u have yours. Dont make ur life mine and we're good.

SOmetimes I wanna do something so bad, that when i look at it a secon time I think again how am i to do it. I freak out and tat's when my panic starts. I start to think i can;t make it, I start to think, I am not good enough. Truth of the matter is I am afraid, afriad to face new challenges and afraid to meet new and higher positioned people. I;m afraid they will look down on me, even reject me which makes me feel not worth it. I am here for a purpose but I don;t know what the purspoe is. All i know that every decision u make or take, every choice u make or break, has a reason and even if that reason sounds as ridiculous as its sounding now, it is a reason. You would not know how i feel, neither would i know how u do. If you don;t want it, there should be a reason why. Coz i dont liek it, why? Coz its not my kind of thing, why cant u try? What is the use of trying something that u dont like, its like painting realism when u can only do abstract. I want to do my thing, let me venture, gimme space, protect me, but dont overprotect, i know you mean well, but it dosent sound right. You ift me up, and then you bring me down again. You keeping aksing me what I want to do, and if i told you, you wouldnt understand why..and so I say i dont know. But then again i still can;t find my calling? I;m 24 and am very un settled. I know what I want in the future but the gaps are not filling in the present. I am achieveing my goals because i wanted too, but now it all seems like a waste of time and money, or is it?

Everything has a meaning and a purpose why we do the things we do, so I hope I know what i;m doing. I htink i;m suffering from some from of very muild depression, and decision making difficulties, and stress plays a major part of decision-making difficulties. I am esaily stressed and I can easily get out of stress. My mood swings are getting slighty better, but if the I get stimulated by something that I dont like I go make to being square one. Its not fair really, people really should mind their own business. I know u care, but you have no idea how psychologically depressing it is to hear, that you cannot make it, they only looking for poeple of a certain kind and go do something about yourself. I have a degree that you wanted me to get, I;ve been good and yet you;re still not satisfied. What more do u want of me? I was watching Coahc carter the other day, and he kept asking one of the players What is your biggest fear?

I asked myself the same question. What is my biggest fear. Its not easy to come to terms with what you fear, its not fear liek ghosts or insects or drowning. Its fear that are mentally disturbing, to know that you fear someone and mine i think for now, is the higher authority. I fear of higher positioned people and fer they may look down on me, when in reality is that they dont. I tend to rebel against ppl who waht the best for me and become angry when given advise. I know that I am supposed to do wht they say because its good, but instead I do the opposite way, just to make them more angry. Its strange but its true and why this is so i dunno. Could have been somthing that happened in my past hat has somehow affected me in a way i can't comeprehend. Now you know a little more about me, actually a whole lot more. Well till the next entry! Peace !

Runt part 1

2007-04-19T19:00:00.000+08:00

Procastination at its finest, those were the exact words used when I told a friend of mine that I had 3 assignments of 1500 words wach due next week. What makes us more like me do that? It sucks really, knowing that you only have a few more days left and haven't done anything. Now that I'm not working I should have finished least one by now, but no!

Distractions that comes from within. I think too much? Not lately, till now. When I think I write, haha. So games are the biggest form of my ditraction, I have an online game that I had subsribed too for about 2 years now, it's awesome, its like i;ve known these people in there for 2 years so we kinda get along. I play this game now like wen I get up say bout 1ish till about 4ish in the morning. It's addictive why? Not just pbecoz of the puzzles, but becauise i meet people get to talkwell type and u know have fun. It's just then i realized that like a Sim we need to interact socially or be all sulky and mood out. My bro's gone to the army andmy friends are kinda busy. I have so many types of friends, those who wanna go clubbing, those who wanna watch movies, those who wanna go have coffee and those whom just wanna chill and talk well basically have coffee haha. So being me, I would more liekly have coffee first then movies and clubbing is like a mood thing and also a budget thing.
That and also working and meeting people and actually making new friends, I found out many things about myself that I wasnt say about 5 years ago. I used to think i;m anti-social, but actually i;m very social but of course to the ones that i can be social with. I have friends who think that I should meet their friends, whom somtimes can be a bitchy or proud but my friends think that becoz they can get alng with them I can get along too, which sounds really stupid, because its up to the individual and sometimes they ask me wy and how come I dont like her/him, i;m like i just don't. period. and they go liek oh she/h's not too bad. I just ignore it. somtimes theypull this confused black face. I just ignore it haha. REcently some of my firendssay that i;m more like a guy's girl more than a girly girl. Which i found interesting, coz that coming from two guy's who said tat makes it rite haha. I dunno I like the way I am, being all girly isnt fun. Well growing up in a rough family well more like so many boys innit made me all tuff hehe I guess its a good thing in a way. funny though mst of my friends are girls but they're all the sam, not girly girl cept a few of them i errmm try not to get too close too hahah. Coz all they would end up tlking about is boys boys and shopping and boys and in the end themselvs. Like get a life. I like boys but i do not talk about them everytime we meet! sheesh! What else, I am more calmer these days and am wanting to look good. Sounds bad? not really haha. I used to think what the hell who;s gonna look, i still do though for the certain places i go out too hehe.

Words of wisdom, You can do it. No matter how hard it is, no matter how wierd it sounds you can do it. "you can do it, I know u can" those were the words my mentor told me when i was going doign a tuff research thesis paper for my degree, and guess what i did. And till this day, I am able to tell myself that and get through with the most difficult times of my life. SO I would liek to thank Him. tony See. for being there, being such an excellent motivator and not giving up on me. It has really played such a huge impact, coz no one really put that much faith into me till he came along and unleashed my potential, sounds corny yes, but its true. I've never felt more special. That was a good tme and now i;m back to square one lol. Well that;s life rite?

You're special, but you dont know it. It made me think why tell a person you love them u miss them, and u wished u got to know them better wen they're dead than wen they're alive. Its the wiedest thing in out human nature but its happening everywhere. I watch Miami Ink, and this girl who didnt talk to her dad for 3 years, the dad passed away 4 motnhs ago and she only spoke and got to know him better for the last dying month of his. And then now VT shootings and everyones mourinign the deahs. What could have been prevented and why do everyone treat everyone differently? Sensitivity, trash talk, emotions get control of them. Had a bad family environment, get control of them. You dont have to have a gun to look cool, you dont have to smoke, drink or get into fites to look cool or be cool even. Be you, for what you're worth and everyone will like you. You dont ave to wear tons of make-up to look pretty, you dont have to starve to be beatiful. Take control of your life and dont be like others. Follow your heart and not your eyes. What you see it not what you should be. Well at least I think so..well enuff of my rantin. More to follow soon..now to get back to my assignemts,

Weeeee

2007-03-31T22:12:00.001+08:00

Wahoo! I'm ba ack, but i think i will be gone again lol.

So wat's been happening..here;s the breakdown:

Psychology:

Two exams down, 1 more to go, My classes keep postponing, coz my school's shifting, sheesh, like get it over with it already rite. 'Neways, I'm thinking of taking Psychology and prolly take up Child Care and teach in one, I don't know, I keep telling everyone tat kids are annoying, but i like to teach them to be better kids, u know like a motivater a listener a teacher (bleh) but yea. It makes me smile to see a lovely child, and then makes me wanna smack another for being so adamant lol. So still confused about this move.... Ne suggestions neone?

Spanish:

Hola, como estas'? Si la gente, yo habla espanol hay, un poco. Translation: hello, how are you, Yes Now i can Speak Spanish, well the basic actaully. I am done with the Basic Spanish Course and have gotten a Cert for it hehe. I;m want to take up the intermediate, so basically cant wait for those classes to start whoo hoo. Sally if you're reading this, Hurry up and take the classes already!!!! hehe.

Work:

I have quit my job, ocme 9 April, I am done with it. funny how people open up to you wen u're leaving, they are more friendly and they have lots of gossip hehe. I felt like not leaving, but everytime i see the boss's face, I didnt even regret. We went out as colleagues the other day and they treated me dinner so nice they are, gonna miss them much, so I want to give them a deco item, like a remembrance. Went to get some clay and some candles and gonna deco it with their names on it and say thank you. I wanted to do on tiles but it'd be funny. So come 9 april, I'm free, but not tat free, I got 3 assignments of 3 subjects of psychollogy to hand up after tat, so a bit stressful, but free, and then the hecticness of looking for another job yet agian. Sometimes i wish, i had my own company!

Friends:
They're all pretty wonderful, funny, bitchy but matured hehe. Sally has finally gotten her tatoo! Looks beautiful darling, a picture of a cat, so her innit? hehe. Sarah's been awesome, looking more beautiful now hehe. We're meeting this Thurday yes? Vivien dont forget, is Benny coming?

Family:
Me cuz violated my game a/c and was very pissed. I just couldnt belive he could hack into it and do such a thing. It would have been ok if he would have admitted it, but he didnt and said that I had better changed my password, and wen i found out thru the one of the operators tat it was him, i was sick to the stomach, I trusted him, it's basically How dare he question. I was really sad and dissppointed. Didnt talk to him till today, been 4 days. He makes my trust level with family go down again, already it's kinda low and now its lower. This makes me feel that trusting ur friends are better off than trusting your family. Of course friends tat you have known for like 5 - 10 years or more. Sigh! It's very hurtful, but it happened.

My brother has gone to the army, I miss him more now than wen he was in Oz. He came back after yesterday after two weeks, aiyoh yoh, I couldnt recognise him haha. He was bald and he looks so much better, broader shoulders which i was emphasizing for him to work on, way before he went to army lol, now he's got them. haha. Though he's darker, for the first time i can say, than i am now fairer than him haha. He's going back to camp on Mon, just praying that everyday will be a fun and safe one for him, gonna miss him agian.

Others:
Nothing much to do lor. Haha. Easter's coming and I got nothing to do lor. So read this and dont tell me got nothing got nothing to read ah.

Simply Mused Up

2007-01-18T23:56:00.000+08:00

It's been 2 days and I still can't stop smiling, I've got the disc in my computer and the songs in me mp3, and am practically listening to them every opportunity I get, and whenever I listen to them, I relive te moment of that evening, and it justs gets better and better. Yes people, it was that awesome!!! Like I said, I can't put them in words. I finally understand the concept of why people go for concerts, its not just because to see them or just to hear them, Its because of the experience you get watching them perform live music and the screams and fans together as one, and that particular experience you take with you forever, and when you happen to listen to the song of the group on the radio or wherever, you get reminded of that night, and you start smiling away, people around you might think you're mad, but who cares, you been there, you know!!! This though is only when the concert has left an impression in your mind. And MUSE did just that!! Whoo hoo!

'Neways I have an interview this Saturday as a youth counsellor, god help me, 'coz i really do not know what to say haha. Oh well, here I go to bed, but first a bit of muse hehe.

Mused Reaction

2007-01-17T00:12:00.000+08:00

WAssuuuuupppppppppp!
Holy smokes, it was THE CONcert of the all mother of concerts, and it rocked crayz man, It was hot and cool and they were hot n cool. Omg, I can't stop myself from smiling!!!! It's was awesome, it was brilliant, it was just fantastic and yes it was unbelievable! What made it more special was the crowd, headbanging, and screaming, and singing, and jumping, no fites, no moshing, no stares, no cusses, pure bliss and it was beautiful, just Muse fans altogether, enjoying good rock music, it's brilliant i tell u! All the way, non-stop, they were pitch perfect, chord and note perfect and insync thruout the whole show, no misses no off tune, no off pitch, wat u hear on cd, is wat u get, and wat u see is wat u believe! To top it off, they had beautiful lightings, which just added to the atmosphere, they had smoke fireworks kinda thing at the end, and tat's wat makes A Muse concert The Muse concert, and no other band can beat tat.

Smokes, the bassist is so damn gorgeous, he hardly smiles and he did towards the end of the show and it just melted my heart and made my day. What was the memorable thing was basically the Whole crowd jumping and singing to 'Time is running out' song, omg, tat was i tell u i just cant put it in words, just like wow!!!! I was like a freaking rocker banging my head and no one cared. The guy beside didnt care, He was off pitch and i didnt care, we were there to have a great time, and it turned out to be splendid! all in all is was PERFECT! Mused Up and still rocking! Hell yeahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wowza

2007-01-15T22:36:00.000+08:00

So wat's been going on...been like many many months neways' I havent like written in ages since i started my new job and new classes, i;m strugllig with guitar, coz i haven;t practiced, I'm sturggling here and there with social like, coz of my psych classes, I wanna watch .v but am drawn to the computer, to play games and chat, so that i can be relxed, I feel like a SIM, its like tat game kinda portrays, what you need to do and stuff, if only life was as easy as tat, but then again, hey you are still being controlled by someone else. gimme $50,000 in cold hard cash, I wanna a vacation with loads of cash to spare, england, switzerland, new zealand i wanna go, and relish the peacefulness and come back aglow. meow, its started again, i cant help but to type this way, but guess you're used to it now and understand me better, i;m practically ranting repetitiously (if tat;s even a word like tat).

Something else popped in my head and it goes:

cold nites, cant sleep tite
things to do, that can't be stopped
eyes are tired, but they can't close shut
Head is aching, but it can't soothe out
body is aching, but it can't lay down
Heart is calm, but it's beating loud
Cry tommorow, frustrations today
Smiled yesterday, for tommorow to come
Exist today, in denial of yesterday
Await tommorow, for today is gay
Happiness and Tiredness are all in the game's play
Destiny and fate are a hopeless formation
heaven hell we never knew if they existed
'coz when we die we are but a prayer
to help the ones that have much to desire
Help and hope, pray for me dear ma
But do you actually know if we are there
Your tears and emotions are not ours to spare
You make us you solace when in despair
A shoulder A someone A something
Take a deep breath in and look around you
Everyone is in pain too
Change yourself, enrich yourself
And you will find that what you want and need
is always there!

The Weekend Blast

2006-10-15T18:25:00.000+08:00

Whoot yea! Wat's going on peeps? So well, as you have read the other 2 posts recently, it's what's been going on. Went for Russell's how last Fri and it helped me laugh my voice out haha. He was awesome man. Then one weelk of work, and on Fri which was like 2 days ago, Sal decided lets go clubbing at DXO at esplanade, its free only need cab fare. so iwas like hell yea, been a long time since I met her. Ayu backed out, because she was at her gramma's place blah blah. Sarah didnt know Sally planned this haha. Neways' we met Sal at the esplanade yea and holy smokeroonis, she looks cute. She cut her hair really short, which btw she looks really good innit. So then I was like where's the club, and there it was infront of us, with this long queue of ridiculously young teenagers, wanna go the beach types and just teens. I looked at Sal and was like I;m as so not going in there with a bunch of teenagers, and we all agreed of course. In the end we all decided to watch a movie, and there it was The Departed. I fell in love with Leonardo all over again. Whoever said he could not act, eat your words. He is one brilliant actor and u know it. The different roles he can portray is so excellent and he outdone himself in this one. Love him! Before the movie we sorta chilled, had late dinner and just talk about stuff u know. It's been too long since i;ve sat and talked to them and it was a good laugh and a really good time. Got home at 4am and guess wat, my whole Saturaday was ruined by me having to fall sick, with the worst case of flu and fever and itchy eyes. It's Sunday today, and am still having the flu time to time, stil lhaving itchy eyes though, time to see the doc to get some pills and my puff, coz this haze ain't helping me with my breathing. hope the haze clears away soon, coz I hate feeling sick sick, I like fake sick though haha. Ciao for now and for more good times ahead.

Workaween

2006-10-09T01:06:00.000+08:00

The job is crap, my life is whack, time for another time to slack. I can't do much, I can't speak much, I;m getting nowhere in there. I feel constrained, I feel restrained, I can't do what I want to do much. I have no time, I have no life, I just get home to sleep much. I dont like it, I wanna quit, but not till i find another job now. It feels as if, I;m in a dream, I try pinching myself twice. I wince in pain, and then I damce to realise It was real all too much. I hate the job, i really do, it only been two weeks now. I wanna shout, i wanna run, i just wanna live my life now. Photocopying and data entrying, is not something i want to be doing. I need to meet people, I need to see new things, and not sit in the office all day doing the same thing. the pay is good the work is screwed, wat am i going to do?

Boredem Metropolis

2006-08-30T16:55:00.002+08:00

So bored, I don't wanna be here
Just one more day and i'll be back there again
To no work and being at home till I find another
I have no hope
My head hurts, I wanna go back
But once I am back I wanna turn back
It's wednesday and it's almost 5pm
I got another hour for me to leave this room
I surf the net and I found out
That CSI season 7 is goona come out
I surfed the net and I found out
that Spernatural Season 2 will be out
I can;t contain my excitement I wanna watch them all
But it's week by week series and it's driving me nuts.
I read them all and now I'm bored
I surfed them net to look for games and
downloaded VV to past my time
But I can;t play it, coz it;s the mac
And now i;m stuck, with creative junk
I got emails to attend but not for long
I do them in like 10mins and then I;m done
Again back to being bored,
It kills me now to see it's only 3mins gone! Damn!

Puppet Me Up

2006-08-24T21:43:00.000+08:00

U know wat u want, but yet u don't know. Things are looking up, but u end up feeling low. You wanna cry, but u laugh. You want to shout, but u bottle it up. You think so much, but it never works. You think you're confident, but u're really nothing. You think u're strong, but u are weak. You wanna run away, but you are afriad. You wanna take a risk, but you're a coward. You think life is hard, look around you. You think you're unlucky, look around you. You wanna be somewhere else, but u're stuck here. You think you're famous, but you're crap. You think you're funny, but you're lame. You wanna party, but too lazy. You want to sleep but too awake. You wanna tell someone off, but u're afraid to lose them. You try to be nice when you're not. You try to be someone else, but you can't. You think you're special, think again. You wanna die, but u wanna live. You want to be someone, but u end up being noone. Dreams are false, hopes are lost, wishes are imaginary and reasons are hopeless. You're living in a world of lies and you know it. Nothing is wat it seems and you sense it. But yet you're the puppet that does everything the master makes you do. You can't run, you can hide, you're always trapped until you say Goodbye.

Wierd Things

2006-08-15T14:46:00.000+08:00

Living is the wierdest thing. It has no meaning while you live it and only has a meaning when you end it. He was a great person, he helped he and there, but why could they not say it when he was alive. Life is a wierd thing. You want to end it, but end up living it. Whos to say, Whos to end, Face it we have no power over life and you morons are abusing it. A Smile is a wierd thing. You are sad but u still smile and wen you happy you still smile. Who can tell the difference not you or I so don;t blame the other when you're mocking urself. Tears are a wierd thing. You cry wen you're happy and cry wen u're sad. No one can tell, no one can know, then let us be and leave us alone. Breathing is a wierd thing. You breathe in everything, including the bad and the good. What makes us healthy then, when the world is polluted, are we not to breathe then if we wanna stay alive. Lots of things are wierd in this body of ours, in this world of ours, but its how u make of it, tat's wat really matters. Everyday u wake up and see a bright new day, it could be a good thing for you, but another sad day for others. Wake up with a smile, well tat;s not meant to be. Everyday is a new day and for some it remains old. Make themost out of each day, just live it for the moment.

Wakalele

2006-08-03T13:57:00.000+08:00

A month and some days have gone by and i'm still finding my way round this world. Tired and stupid I feel like goin away on a vacation. Still finding a permanent job, wanting to study, wanting to learn a language, wanting to learn the drums. Many many things, but so little time. I lie saying I'm alright, I laugh when the world laughs at me back, I rebel when given advice, I suck it all in when you apologize, I think i'm crazy for doing all this, but I can;t change it, coz that's how it is. I wanna jump, i wanna scream, I wanna let my tears flow like a stream. I see you there, I want you back, but there's no way I'm turning back. I try to type normal, but it's just not real, you can tell by the top two lines I reeled. I hope it's just not me, I feel like it's a disease in the disguise of talent. I like the way I type it, but does anybody understands it. I try a new look, it worked once, but when i open my mouth, it just goes back to square one. I hate the way I talk, I hate the way I sing, I try to be what i'm not but what do I even wannabe? I think too much, I talk too much, I wanna be free like when i was younger so much. Now my mind is blocked, can't think coz i'm overthinking some stuff. Till i blog again on this spot, this is me signing off!

The Wait is Killing Me

2006-06-01T12:04:00.000+08:00

Disappointed and Rejected
Envy and Sadness
All coming pouring in
As I wait for 2 phone calls
Both could change my line of work
Both could give me something to look forward too
Now sitting in the gallery
I can't do any work
Mind is boggling with dumb thoughts
of maybe i'm not good enough
maybe there's somthing wrong with me
maybe i talk too much
maybe i look too proud
myabe i'm not sure of myself
maybe just maybe I don't know
I hope they'll call me soon
Anticipation and anxiety do not mix well
Neither do the thoughts that keep telling you
Maybe they do not want you!
------
Ok I got that outta my chest now i feel a bit at ease...*crossing my fingers!*

Rain and Shine and Rain and Shine

2006-05-03T09:07:00.000+08:00

The day comes and shines oh so brilliantly
Thinking it's so magnificent that no one can ruin it
The dark clouds then sets in and smiles away evilly
and washes all hope oh a peaceful day
Down Down Down, comes the hard cold rain
Beating on the windows, crying to let it in
Stranded on the outside the people would sing
Rain Rain Go away, come again later today
So that we may sleep a calm and cold night
A night we haven;t had in many days
A night where we dream sweet dreams
The dark clouds vanish
As if on cue and as if the brilliance of the white clouds
had pierced through them, causing them to go poof!

What a day

2006-05-03T00:27:00.000+08:00

What of the things we said, What of the things we did. Leaving us battered and bruised. Leaving us laughing in pain. Recalling it makes things much harder to think. Erasing it makes life much harder to live. Live to regret or Live in regret. How are we supposed to move on, if things keeps weighing us down. Try as much as you want, but then again are you trying hard enough.

Crying shows we're weak, but it makes us stronger the way we live. Laughter makes us hide the truth, that we're trying hard to keep.

Hide the lies. Feed the truth. Show no remorse.

Peel the skin, off your face, to show who you really are.

Tick tock tick. Time goes slowly.

10, 15, 20. Years fly by so quickly.

Gazing out the window, dreaming about big things. A thud on your table brings you back to reality. You're not good enough and never will be. No matter how much you do, no matter how much you think you did. You're never good enough. It's time. Time to say Fuck it and leave. Don't turn back. Don't regret. You're you and no one controls you.

Move Along

2006-04-14T23:33:00.000+08:00

It's been a rough week at work. And this song, is the perfect fit, to what decision I am making. It's given me a new hope and a new outlook. And also lifted up my demoralised spirit. It's given me liek a boost and to think positive. And the song:

The All-American Rejects
MOVE ALONG

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall everyone stands
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along Move along

So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
Hands are shaking cold
Your hands are mine to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along(Go on, go on, go on, go on)

When everything is wrong, we move along(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
When everything is wrong, we move along
Along, along, alongWhen all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
Right back what is wrong
We move along
------------------------------

It;s really a perfect fit. Move along, and that's wat i;m doing.

What a freaking tired day

2006-03-16T23:18:00.000+08:00

Hahahahaha

Tired So Bloody Tired
Sleepy so horribly Sleepy
I don;t wanna sleep yet
The nite's still young
But i can't take it
Arrrrghhh
HAte it wen i'm too tired.
Nothing i can do
My fingers hurt from playing the guitar
Which i have not been practising for more than a week
Coz i cut my index finger on me left hand which makes it horrible
So i sytarted playing it back just now and oh my god....my hand hurts now
Haiz...Soooom uch of work to do and only one computer...and i can;t do much coz the boss
is using it almost everytime
I can;t tpe no more i need my coffee
Gonna get some and continue to do somthing stupid haha

2006-03-14T01:22:00.000+08:00

Work
So today has been fun
Like i wanted it to be
Tommorow will be good
As i think it would be
Alls slowly going well now
Although i'm still blur
I hope i will be fresher
as the day draws near
Oh so sleepy
Almost going to bed
But needed ti update this
So I can get some peace
I need a soul refresher
As months come closer
A day or two
and i don;t mean vacation
Just somewhere to relax
To ease my mind off things
To relish mother nature
And keep me off things
So many ideas
So many dreams
Will they turn reality
Or just stay the way they should be
I await a time where things aren;t so tuff
But waiting is time
And time waits for no one
So i just do wat i do
Keeping the big picture in mind
Hopefully it'll still be there
When i'm thru with this one

Wat about work....renovation and no vacation, a whole mess and i'm a wreck...i wanna quit but they're nice to me...and i get good experience and tat's the only reason why i'm staying...although i had great love for it..now it's slowly dying off....I'm getting it back slowly but not the way it used to...Just hope i can focus on this and not be and idiot and quit this...i really dunno wat i'm feeling...I liek the job but i don;t like it...I liek the people but i don;t like them...It's a real killer this stupid feeling...Just taking each day like its a start off the old one...it's not helping and i;m trying...Crap

United For Life

2006-02-27T14:35:00.000+08:00

YES!!!!! OOOHHHHH SHAAAA!!!

We finally won a silverware..the Carling Cup...yes..the Devils are back and they played Absolutely Brilliantly...superb...thank god Ruud didn';t play..or the game would have been different. Man U 4 - Wigan 0...perfect score...Thrashed them to the ditches,..hehe..Wigan played good too..attacked till the very end..but no match for the devils..

I cried wen they donned white shirts saying 'FOR YOU SMUDGE'...poor smith watched the game from home...Such excellent characters these lads...so sweet too..hehe

Heres to more medals and more cups to come! WE"RE SOOO BACK!!!

SMITH!!!!!

2006-02-19T22:19:00.000+08:00

oh god oh god oh god!!!

He broke his leg and dislocated his ankle during a match agnst Liverpool!! He blocked excellently but landed wrongly...dam nit damn it..and he just came back after an ankle injury...

WHY!!!!!! damn it he's such a good mid fielder and this...I always anticipate his arrival to the game and now,..crap crap crap...he can;t for even for the world cup ...i hope he recovers soon...that brave lad...

So cute he is...just sat there and waved for helped...no action..just as cool ....damn it!!

I am very sad...and upset...Sigh! Just wanna wish him good luck and come back soon!

:P

2006-02-10T23:51:00.000+08:00

I'm back to write some more, about how my week's been gone. Well, it;s been kinda aite...good news is I kinda like the owrk i;m doing, bad news it's not much of a salray...but it's all cool!

Neways, am currently stuck on a few songs..namely hehe. Korn- twisted Transistor, Yellowcard - Lights and Sounds, Avenge Sevenfold - Bat Country, Daddy Yankee - Gasolina and stuff. Yes many many albums need to buy and got one concert i;m looking eagerly anticipatingly exciting forward tooo is, by now u must know is is is FORT MINOR!!!! ooh sha! Believe me! and Remeber the Name! Fort minor on 1st March...buuuuuutttt unfortunately my the time i get my salary they would already be performing!!! DAMN!!!!!

Why does it have to be tat day
When all i can do is sit and wait
I can't get the ticket
I can;t get me pay

So basically it just sux!! lol

All i can doooooo is hope they'll or win a ticket (which will never ever happen to me!!!, never once), fell like i'm jinxed for luck...oh well...neways...having many exhibitions comiung up....
the upcoming one is calle 'An Indian Romance' on Money! yes the next day i sVAlemtine's day and yes...it's supposed to be exhibited for tat purpose :P....haha I just got home about 1 hour ago from another exhibition we had..and i was wearing me hells and now my feet hurt and my back hurts and I'm so tired i don;t know wat i;m typing...so excuse the mistakes but feel free to comment...i;m just sooooo freaking tired and in pain!!!! crap i need a good massage!! Til lthe next!

Bleh!

2006-02-08T00:03:00.000+08:00

BAHH!!!
__

Day has darkened
Nite has fallen
Time screams 'Bed'
But mind shouts 'No'

Eyes are heavy
Slowly shutting
Mind is fidgeting
To do something

Eyes then open
and sees the light
of the monitor
that's on at night

Hands then move
Words then pour
onto the screen
tat once was pure

Filled with letters
Filled with words
Sentence by sentence
They start to pour

Flooding the screen
The mind then aches
Thinking
Oh yea! I still have it in me again!
__________________________________

Sup sup...to all u who are reading this...muahahha! Beeen are reallllllly loooong time...! Yes it suddenly dawned on me wen:

Felicia asked me what happen to ur blog lady,
and i said well baby (hehe), it's practically been a long time see,
That i even went to the site really. And so I said alrighty, i will go and see
What i can come with tonite to make me feel alrite.

Soooo here it is...started working, family's been down (Singapore)
No time for anything to do right now
Wanna go out wanna have fun, but then the next day comes
and alls fun wiped out!

Well hopee u understand wat i write if not too bad hehe. :P

Till the next!

Weekend madness

2005-06-28T00:29:00.000+08:00

And so it was my birthday and well didn;t cut cake till the evening about 4pm, wen one of my aunts' came over bought a small cake and well cut it...it was cool haha. My auny saro gave me hongboa....never expected it.

After the small get together i went to my grandma's place in hougang, she cooked for me chicken rice..so sweet, friend chicken wings, made popiah, chee chong fan, agar agar, damn cool man. It was like the best bday ever, just time with the family, and then i received a present from Kishen, again i didn't expect it...we were just talking casually and then he asked me 'akka, do you have Systrm of a down cd' and do you have My Chemical Romance cd....i gave the look which said, asshole....i already no money expect me to get these albums now..and i was like not yet lah...haha. And then he brought the present down..i literally screamed and then i screamed more wen i opened it. Those 2 albums were in there....he is such a sweet heart!!!! i love him hahah. And then we had our chit chats and stuff was damn cool lah....old skool family gathering fun. Awesome. The wierd part was my friend Malar, called me about 12.08am and wished me ahppy bday, i thought she forgot to wish me earlier and so now she wishing me, so i said thanks.

The nexct day, was sunday, i went down to sarah's place, before that she called me, she's like 'hey babe, wat's the lastest album to get ah,,that is nice...' i was like, 'get good charlotte the new album' then she's like okay, i get it then we both can listen to it once you come my place. And then wen i went there..she gave me a present and it was that!!! Boo yah!!! again i didn;t expect it hahaha. So all in all 3 new cds in 2 days...they're all so awesome...

Monday came, yesterday, supposed to meet up my girlfriends for a chit chat...i met malar first...and then she again wished me happy bday, iwas like dei it was in saturday enuff already..and she went like..oh shit....i was like why...i tot it was on the 26th hahahaha i cannot tahan..no wonder she called me at 12am and wished me..and she's like sorry marie..haha. And then she bought me a silver ring...hahah so sweet!!!

and then we both waited for like an hour for 3 other monkeys to come and wen they finally did, it was in another place...and wen i reached there..malar said i'm sorry maria..and then Happy birthday to you, there it was a cake and a card..so sweet...haha....i was kept for hour not knowing these pigs were here doing this....

One thing i leanrned from this is that i am the most gullible and easily fooled and easil;y pleased person haha. Also today, i got a present from my colluague so sweet of hee...it was a poto frame....but a pillow kind...and she drew some drawings soooo cute!!! haha

Soo happening man!!!!

tiil the next!!! Auvoir!

Shopping Spree

2005-06-18T23:33:00.000+08:00

Been awhile since i first wrote this:

But i've been shopping haha. Yeah it's not one my traits and it's true..haha...only went shopping to get my aunt in OZ some stuff, as I would be going there next month. hehe. Beaing me. i called my cuzzies to join me, as i did not like going alone haha.

First was Tiong Bahru Plaza, went to Popular, to get some Alphabet charts, damn stupid, they didn't have it..like hello!!? then i was finding some books, dotted ones...bloody hell it was so difficult to find them, what happened to the easy times. Man, there were no colour charts as well, well then it seemed to me Popular at TBP is stupid. After that we went to have something to eat and then to Bata to get my cuz in OZ soccer boots, it turned out they didn's have his size, sad...my sis Delfy, being a shoe fetish as she is, went rounf and round and trying all kinds of shoes, but just trying haha, me and the other two bros were laughing at her outrageous taste. haha. Made our way to Tom and Stpeh, nothing much there. We then went to Chamelon, I wanted to get a fake ring earring to fool my aunt that i had pierced my eyebrow (it doesn't work, so am going for the lips haha), then we spent another few more mins. usrpringly, i bought myself, black palstic ear studs for my 1st ear hole, black stone studs for the 2nd and ring ones for the 3rd (it didn;t look nice the ring one), then i got my self a black leatehr like bracelet, looked nice, then me and my sis got black rings, i dodn;t usually wear this stuff...i guess i need a new change. haha.

Then we went to Serangoon, I NEVER go Serangoon on SAturdays unless i really needed to. Haiz, so we went there bought some things and stuff. I went to Tekka Mall and wanted to get meself a pair of shoes as the current one was almost giving way, i had to choose 2, a black with white stripes, or a white with a tinge of white, the rest said the white was nice, i havenh;t worn a hite shoe since like sec. school, but this was cool, and i bought it, only for $10 damn cheap and damn cool. White!!! haha.

Well just got back about 11, and now just typing this.

I guess, i'm reinventing the exit as Underoath puts it. haha. New look, gonna cut my hair probably next week .

Till next week then.

Today

2005-06-12T22:44:00.000+08:00

Another something i wrote. What's happened today. So sian to type in detail.

Let us be Ma!

What of us people
Of us identity and
Of us individuality

Everything we do
Everything we say
Has its reason and a place

Blaming isn't helping
Shouting isn't curing
Beating isn't comforting
Neither are the lies that go on spreading

What are we to do
But shun the remarks away
Shun the irrational behaviour
and accept to what they have to say

Be oblivious
Be ignorant
Be dumb
and be quiet

No use of retaliation
No use of any defense systems
You brought this upon yourself
Just face the music an start afresh

Face your past
Face your present
and face your future
More importantly face youself
and what you are to be

Be who you are
Not what others expect you to be
Not who you cultivate yourself to be
Just yourself, your natural self

Why do we scold
why do we advise
why do we even seek any justice
and why do we even try to be

Know yourself
your own true self
before you start to know another
another who will corrupt your true self

Yes we do act differently
in front of different people
but that's because we know we can do it
and we do it politely and patiently

Not intentionally
Not blamingly
but gracefully

Let us be
Let us live
Let us find our way out of our mistakes
Let us branch out exploring our capabilities

Our selves
Our potential
and our abilities

Encourage us
Don't dicourage us
Embrace us
Don't dote on us
Support us
Don't leave us hanging by the thread

We need you
and you need us
Understand us
Don't mould us to be what you want us to be

Secrets are meant to be broken
Gossips are meant to be spread
Truths are meant to be lies
and we are meant to live this

We hold these things
We let go of these things
Having grudges
Putting words into one's mouth
Changing the whole topic
Finding out the truth
Spreading the awful
Are we all happy then?

One lives in luxury
and the other lives in misery
Why do we like to look into things
What are intuitions and inquisitiveness

Curiousity killed the cat
But for some it killed the innocent cat
instead of killing the curious cat

Curiousity leads to chaos
And chaos to disaster
Disastor to tragedy
Tragedy to loss

Why spread the findings
Why disgrace
Why embarass the weak

Why do we take pleasure in these things
yet we feel so disturbed
It's for our good yes
but then again spreading about
It's not helping but stainting the respect
that we have of you

Know what you need to know
and begone
Do not begin
Coz then it will have no end!

~Fin

what a month

2005-05-18T17:32:00.000+08:00

Been almost 1 month i think

Lotsa things happening, but lazy to write them down...just gonna talk about the chalet i had last weekend...

It was a reunion, and my cuz wedding was on saturday my heart was at the chalet wen i was in Jb and it was in Jb wen i came back to Singapore. I guess the chalet was boring...seriously, i think would have been more fun, coz pasir ris everything so bloody expensive....The crowd wasn't as on as i had expected, they were almost like dead, i dunno.....sigh

Anyways, finally going for my choir after so long...wat else hmmmmm nothign lor..just waiting for the Venice thing, not yet get anything also ... dunno lah.then now i got work also not attending it properly..there is something majorly wrong with this month...hope next month would be better....

adios

Gimme Quiet!

2005-04-09T22:41:00.000+08:00

Forgot to update...well went to watch movies Be Cool and The Pacifier.
Be Cool, is hilarious man, alot of black lingo. Word.! You've got to understand that to at least understand some of teh jokes...I had a really enjoyable time man. Haha I lovw the whole cast....it rocks man! Pacifier was alrite...it's action, comedy drama, a very family movie, nice!

Anyways, Yeah i got back my thesis amendments from Tony yesterday, and i have so much amendments to do, and have only less than 40 hours to complete it. Man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wanna scream...but it's only a few days more, i have to remind myself, a few more days and i;m donw iwth this thesis which has been bugging me for 1 complete year!!! arrghh!

So yeah i'm off to at least try to start it! Sigh! I need peace and quite to think, i guess after 12am then. Well..!! Wish me luck!

Saturday Part 1

2005-04-02T16:45:00.000+08:00

It's Saturday and i'm on the net
Time is so slow that i can go mad
I'm going for a movie soon
It's called Be Cool
I forced me Cuz kishen to watch it
He said he already had, i said i'll pay half his ticket..hehe
I just really wanna go watch it..hehe

So yeah called me bro ahha he's so funny, he's going clubbign and gonna stay over his friends place, so good rite..haha hopes he enjoys himself...

Well i'mll be back laters to tell how the movie was...and omg i'm gonna have Pizza for DINNER!!! after many many months...i can say it's been 6 - 7 months since, since i've eaten one, really! So yeah finally!! hehe

Aite Chioa for now!

April Fool! yeah rite

2005-04-01T22:05:00.000+08:00

so today is April fools
And yes I'm been fooled three times
i am so gullible, usually i;m don;t fall for tricks
and I'm the one always playing pranks on peeps
But i guess, it's time for me haha
First it was me friend Ayu telling me she's pregnant
then it was my mom saying she was at the police station asking me to help her
then only jus twas me aunt, saying that i promised to bring her kids out tom

What is up man, tell u the truth i raelly got shocked and fooled by all of 'em. sigh! hehe
It was fun though getting fooled for once hehe.

Well, easter has come and gone, now my presentaion is coming and only one week left. Shit!
I have to finish my whole thesis by Monday, i know i can do it, just needed a bit of motivatio and yes Tony was my motivation, me supervisor. Yes i fianlly met up with him, i was nervous really, not only did i not meet him for 2 wks but i was late for today's meeting, but he was alrite, which is what i like about him. he's is the best man.

Anways yeah, presentaions on 14 at 6pm, i'm the first one, actually supposed to be the 5th one but i wanted to get it over with and my supervisor asked me earlier was possible and of course i was happy with it. hehe. Spoken too soon rite, i think so too...

My friend Tahirah sec school friend, part of the 3 musketeers emailed all the 5 of us today. and it as titles missing u, well yeah lots ofshit has been going on between us lotm and i didn;t really feel like talking or meeting them. So she said wat happened between us and stuff, and i replied back saying, what i said.

Haiz....well i guess people really grow up fast , i thought i stay the same, but im becoming a bit optimistic lately..sigh!! hope it's for the better!!!

WEll gtg chiau!

Feel

2005-03-24T17:48:00.000+08:00

Feel like banging my head on the damn wall
Feel like strangling myself with a damn rope
Feel like shooting myself with a damn gun
Feel like drowning myself in the damn sea

Feel like shouting at myself for being me
Fell like scolding myself for being lazy
Feel like running away form this country
Feel like breaking away from this insanity

Feel like my world is falling apart like it should be
Feel like it’s hanging on a thread that says break me
Feel like going to hell coz no one cares about me
Feel like breaking the obstacles that block me

Feeling a bit calm like I should be
Venting anger on someone is not going to help me
It’s killing me inside me inside and eating me alive
I don’t know hot I’ll survive
When it’s time for me to die!

How today has been

2005-03-24T01:19:00.000+08:00

It's killing me
it's taking control
The mind is a state of illusion
Illuminating everything isee
Evryone i see
Illuminating the lies
And showing me the truths
I don;t want to see them truths
just stick me to the lies
it breaksmy heart
It tears my mind
It's so stupid
I wanna tell them off
but am afriad to lose the relationship
Arrrghhh!!!!!!!!!
Somebody save me!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Venting out me anger
I hate doing this
i just wanna runaway

Lives

2005-03-23T12:19:00.000+08:00

In the world of Hate and fear
how do we want to survive?
Showing Love, Having Fun
What does that all mean today?
Memories and Tragidies
Which do we keep, which do we need
Seeing, hearing and Speaking
Of what and Of who
Show the mistakes and faults
Or show the fake and just be gone
People have lives, you know
what you feed them is what they breathe
Think of a worlf free of war
Hate or Poverty
It'll be sucky, i'll say
Coz then it'll not show
The existence of us
The human race

~The End~

Crap rite haha, this one i wrote wen i was feeling bored with one of me lectures haha

The Bitter Beginning

2005-03-23T01:07:00.000+08:00

I am so gullible, Kill me now
I fell for a stupid trick that i am so embarassed now
I thought it was his song, i really did
Only to see that it was a artist who composed it
I feel like the world is a lie
It just takes one person to turn it around...
I feel i am living in a fake world
Where everyone around me is just faking it
No one relly likes me or want to talk to me
they do so only becasue i'm there and just want to make me feel
Like i'm their friend but am actually not
Stupid feeling, won't it go away
Not unless I feel like i'm worth it
I am fat, stupid and ugly
I wish i was somewhere else
Wish my brother was here
Missing him alot...*sigh*
many problems all in my head
Stupid things i think
to put myself down
I may look all happy but
I am not, i'm just a faker
I may look tough
But i'm just a weak loser
GRRRRRRR!!!!!
I am so against myself now....
Why can;t i be more serious
and take things seriously
I think everything is a joke
and take them lightly
Why!??? Why!???
Why cant i be more of something
Why can't i achieve something
Why why why
I need to getway
I need to think
I just hate feeling this way...so hate it...

~The End~

This BitterSweet Week

2005-03-21T14:16:00.000+08:00

March is ending and April is coming!
I have been slacking and my term is ending!
Why oh why, i get so distracted so easily
I just can't get myself to perk up that easily
I know this term is crucial
But all i do is not give it a damn focus
I get caught up with stuff which are not important
and think there's always tommorow to fix the broken
I feel like crap
I feel like running away!

Ok so that just came into mind and that's how i've been feeling and have been feelign for this unfabulous week.

I tried to finish it,
I emailed him last week,
But there was something wrong with the fucking net,
I emailed him 5 times,
But he did not give a rat's ass
I emailed him again for the last time
And he replied
Said meeting's on Friday
But some fucking problem crept up on the last minute
My Life sucks
I emailed him back
To meet later
He mailed the head and said
You should advise her

So that was what happened this week with me Supervisor, I am so fed up with myself. I can only be angry with meself. Grrrrr

So i was playing a game and met this guy
He's only 16 but he plays like he's 25
He writes his own music with his friends by his side
He let me listen to them
And I was mystified
He said I was an influence
And he wrote me a song
He tried naming it Maria
But something cocked up and it was
Pagini 5th Caprice
He had just composed it
And I was in my abyss

You should hear his music, all music no wrods. Awesome stuff he's got going. Let's hope he'll make it big.

Easter's near
And i'm in the choir
We're singing for the easter mass
With 5 songs being ours
How great is this gonna be?
Awesome I tell thee
Can't wait for it to come
I'm practicing like a charm

So yes, easter mass, and the choirs singing. Can't wait yeah!!!! whoo hoo

Why write all i wanna say in poems, coz that's wat i do wen i'm feeling emotional. Down sad, frustrated u name it. Hope it makes sense though..Any thoughts!?

Till the next time!

Wat's been goin down dawg

2005-03-13T22:58:00.000+08:00

So here i am again, yes more music and more rock bands..hahaha

Haven't bought nay new cds yet, i got like my allowance and i like only have like 30 $ left...Waht the Hell did i spend on? No it's not a new reality game show, but it should be for people like me. hehe

Anways what have i doing been doing lately, school tem has started and i did not attend for the first week, and now there's 3 more weeks till i gots no more lessons to attend, but only pass up my paper on the 15th of Apr, do a presentation and then sit for an exam coming soon, finish homewrok i showved away to be passed up on 24th of this month, and What Have I been doing...!!!!

Since this month started, been hanging out more, well i finished my chapter 4 but it was weak, hey i could tell i just lifted from teh books, my supervisor said it was weak and i was yeah i know, cause the chapter is lame, as its on SIngapore...i hate writing anything that's on Singapore man, it just sucks...so i had to like re-write it nad managed to do so 2 days past my dateline

I think my supervisor's mad at me, cause he didn't reply my mail....crap..dead yet again...wat's new eh?

So my aunt's been pestering me about going over to Canada and she's willing sponsor 1/2 the ticket price, which is cool, so thinking of it...not sure though

Guitar classes start next month and so do the drums but haven't signed up yet,,dammit, and registration is 21 $ and then 'Simple Plan' is ocming donw on the 30 and i wanna go and that's 50 $ tix but but no one wants to go, as my friends do not listen to them or they have work or schools and i'm just an idiot...Damned i'm such a loser....i could go with Kish but He's Going With HIs friends....DammiTTTT!!

Anyways. Yeah, trying to finish Chpater 1 of the thesis, which now i find i can merge it with chpater 2 and then i would just have to do the conclusion and the intrduction and the summary and then the bibliography and i'm done or so i think..

Finished the choir singing i was talkign about, but sadly it's not an every week thing, but it was cool although the mass was in Malayalam (i seriuosly didn;t undersatnd), and we could only get to sing 2 songs alhough we praticed 3, it was fun

Kids holidays are here and Easter is coming so everything is coming to and end...oh well i'm just being me...oh oh oh...

Went to O bar Sarah's b-day, didn;t wanna go, but oh well. can u tell i'm fickle...well had a great time, until i could not stretch my knees the next day...the pain haha...

Well out for now...soon to write...

ROCKKKK MY LIFEEEE

2005-02-26T23:42:00.000+08:00

Soooo...yeah been exavtly about 1 month since the last entry...

Am currenlty stuck on songs: Kasabian - Club Foot, Disturbed - Stupify and The Game, Chevelle - Vitamin R, Billy Talent - River Below, Head Automatica - Beating Heart Baby...AS u can see i'm so madly in love with all rock music...aahahhh i can go insane....so mad..tat in myspace i had added all the non-famous rock bands..i tell u music rocks...

One month, I'vebeen working on my thesis, finished the presentation last week, surprisingly i had comments like 'good', i was near to tear, serioulsy it was the first time..haha

Anyways, yeah i slacked for one week, supposed to meet Tony for my Chpater 4, but i didn't, i am so screwed...

Well, so this month, hanged out with me cuz Kishen alot...he and I, well we're like two peas in a pod, he has the same taste of music as i do,,,all ROCK!!!! whoo hoo...hahah.

We're planning to go take the electric guitar and drums courses in April, also learn Spanish and I'm going to take my driving license...hahah...i am so excited...

Plus, my firend Felicia has asked me to join her in a youth Choir at church...i can't believe my life is turning round..finallly for the better...

yesterday,i went to bed at 1230 am theearliest..but could not sleep as i was doing alot of thinking,..thinking of how the coming months would be different....and only slept at aorund 3am...

Previous nights..i had a dream that i had struck a million dollars..am not kidding..it felt so real till i waok up to reality..haha

Oh well, tat's wat's been happining in a month..can;t wait to start me classes..Hehehe

Been Too Long

2005-01-27T10:34:00.000+08:00

Wow wow Wow....It's been too long too long

Like i said, cannot commit to journal and blogging also..saddening man

anyways, it's been months months...

Last year holidays went to Melbourne, Australia. really cool man. All the dudes were cool, although there were many many Viets, i could see a few cute guys.

One incident, this cashier so bloody cute, he said hi how r u, i just smiled like an idiot and looked down, damn, i could not say anything, i tell u i felt so stpid...he's so cute..hehe

so after i got used to the plae, was there for like a month, ifound that people are friendly, well friendlier then Singapore, they actually help thecustomer, they do not say like 'it's all there', and not help. The place is just breath taking, went to the beaches, ooohhhh...so very beautiful, saw surfers...oooohhh so very beautiful hehe....Then we went to 12 apostles, damn foggy could not really see the apostles...could see 1 or 2 because fog damn thick,,man i also saw bikers, i mean like big biker dudes dude....like whoa....so cool....all on harley davidson, so shiny, so black....nice...Well melbourne..i wanna go ther again...hehe

so well school's been going on as well, i'm slacking like hell...i dont know why, i was sp pumped up about my thesis, then many many distractions came along, and i just started to lag and slack, mysupervisor i think is pissed off, although he didn;t sound liek it, forces of EVil tryin to get me slack...haiz...haven't been paying attention in church...i dunno i think i'm turning evil...damn

Not been feeling well lately, feelin like shit, i think i'm gonna turn into a zombie....Hate this life....

Anyways went to thaipusam, man i miss the days when i was younger, followed my aunt all go and sing and beat the bongos, happening to the m,ax, hey it's an indian thing....its really fun and exciting....

So yeah, still feeling like shit, elling guilty, dunno why....maybe the thesis, i know it's my fault but i can't help it, they say the mind is strong but the flesh is weak, well, i fall under that category quite naturally...been telling myself have to buck up have to finis..but can't ...need spiritual blessing like wat Diana said..hehe

anyways, i currently stuck on two songs, Run by Snow Patrol and Whatsername by Green Day....Gets me calm and spunked up....and emo...really good man

anwyas...gotta meet me supervisor today..need the luck man...

Angelic Voices

2004-09-18T01:36:00.000+08:00

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Les choristes: The choir Boys..went to watch it today after Work...

It's a French movie about a teacher who tried to change the plight of the delinquent boys. I cried at the ending, well teared actually, it's areally a good movie and i found myself inspired by the songs they sang. Jean-Baptiste Maurier has a voice of an angel, he looks like an angel with an atitude. I LOVED this movie, very very much. Its really vbery incredible especially when the choir starts to sing, oh heavenly. It's very difficult to put it in words, there's more to it. You'll just have to watch to find out more.

So nyways, Work: Yes I said work, well internship rather at Singapore Tyler Print Institute (STPI), been there 4 days already, and i really enjoy working there. The environment, is professional yet fun (go figure!) it's just the kind of dream job i would say i liked to work in. Upcoming exhibtion we're working on is Ong Kim Seng. Wish i could work there longer. Again no words can describe it. Why u ask? I say i', just too tired to think...

So othere than that, had nightmares of School (LASALLE), at 7am....dreamt that a spirit was after me...so freaky....

Might be going to Harold and Kumar Tom..and Dodgeball on Mon..See how....Still waiting for cash from LASALLE to pass the cheque..idiotic sekola....say one thing...do another....arssholes..

Oh i went to HMV today finally, been wanting to check oout the prices for Andromeda remeber the Tv show i was saying i'm hooked on...so yeah had the chance today and found out that 1 season's Dvds cost about $400.00.....1 whole series of 23 episodes that is...i just took it saw the price kept t back and wlaked away..man...ain't there cheaper ones?? Dam...

What else, hmmm all i can say is, i actually like working life but that is because i'm working with a friend and it's in STPI.....can't speak too soon....

Well that about it....I LOVE LES CHORISTES SONGSS!!!! LA (Do) LA(Do) LA(Me) LA(Re) LA(Do) LA(Fa) LA(Do) nah nah nah....I'm loving it..

Few weeks ago

2004-09-11T01:48:00.000+08:00

I Feel Irrational,
So Confrontational,
To tell the Turth
I'm Getting away with Murder,
It isn't possible
To ever tell the turth
But the Reality is
I'm Getting away with Murder.
-PaPa Roach, Getting Away with Murder

Okay so my days have been some what up and down.

Down

Hmmm after Convo. everyone as expected went missing, back to work and studies.

Up
Nothing much, we still somehow keep in touch with msn.
--------
Up
Had a BBQ, B'day for me aunt in Hougang, plentiful of fun

Down
Put on weight from all the foods
--------
Up
I'm addicted to the TV Series 'Andromeda'. It's simply amazing.

Down
I'm so hooked onto it, i downloaded the episodes i missed, but can't be seen on me Comp..hmmppff
--------
Down
Had no job, finding attachement

Up
Went for an interview today and STPI and got the job, starting on Tues. God Help Me through this!
--------
Up
Went to return gown today, thank god, tom i no time also

Down
Didn;t get back 100 $, bloody hell, said the school'll send a cheque to us by Fri, no money....
--------
Up
Finally finished my friends letterings for her b'day and bought fruits for the basket

Down
Think i'm doing more than i want, hope to deco her house and do the fruit basket in time
--------
Down
Fell sick a few days ago, ate something expired, had a bit of poisoning, felt really weak

Up
Lost a bit of weight, hope to maintain it

Down
Gained back again..damn it....i hate going out.....
--------
Well, that's about all that happened nothing much i guess.oh oh oh, school's now Once a Week instead of Twice. I'm paying 15K $ for 1 day a week class, go figure....

I decided to learn more about myself, I wanna be the next John Doe..hehe. I am seeing myself becoming more self conscious....

Hmmm...that about it....got to sleep now....must wake early tom....

Convo. Morn and WOMAD Night

2004-08-29T14:03:00.000+08:00

I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately,
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
- Gavin Degraw, I don't wanna be

Yes, yes, finally Convocation, it's over but still 1 more year to go. Yesterday Saturday was the happiest day after like so long. It been quite some time, since i met me classmates, so it was pretty awesome.

I was sitting beside Azfar in the hall, and we had a good laugh he is the jokester, i tell u, laugh and laugh until so hungry hehe. Haha funny sia, esp the stupid screen with people telling us that it's a whole new world out there and congrats, like duh! of course lah. Stupid sia, on top of that repeat and repeat. Sheesh!

Anyways, we went on stage got or cert left te hall for makan around 1145 like that, eat until cannot eat ready, was so happy to see my foundation friends. Sigh! All leaving so soon, THANK YOU MSN!!!! otherwise cannot keep in touch. So we took photos, after talked and was so much fun, missing all of them. Maybe we can have a reunion party...hmmm after 10 years.

Oh oh oh oh, one lecturer slipped and one following her bnehind fell down the stairs of the stage, like heloo, .if you saw the lady in front of you slip, shouldn't you be more careful, wasted i could not luagh put loud hehe. Anyways, everybody looked good i tell you, and did i tell you i don't like my face on photos, so fat and ugly *Bleh*!

Okay so i had to leave early, coz my uncle was driving me back and then WOMAD was due that night. I wanted to sleep but could not, not excitement, i just couldn't lah. So got dressed up and met Delfy (my cuz) and Sarah at 930, we reached Fort around 10 and made our way to the main stage, happening but too crowded, so we went to meet our former colleagues and friends. and my god i just found out i am an ANTI-SOCIAL person. Also i found out, People don't like me, and i found out that i am not a good person. I don;t know why! Somebody please tell me WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME PLEASE!!!!!!

Anyways, so anyways, there was something happening at the stage on the top, played by something Khan, indian music, and i tell you i thought would pick up the pace but no, the crowd was good for the music though, i saw one guy lying down on his partner's laps so sweet and then i was thinking son some one goign to do Yoga, me and my cuz left, like hello lor, i can listen to this music on SUN TV hehe. SO bad rite. Anways, i though the night was going to be like that, we can only blame ourselves for comeing so late. We then went down to the main stage again, Sarah wanted to say Hi to Sheena, again I repeat i am an ANTI- SOCIAL person and PEOPLE don;t LIKE Me! Sigh! so me and my cuz were sititng in the stairs and then comes MOONIE !!! whoo hoo! so long no see her, she lost so[ much weight, and she cut her hair short, but she's looking good man, then we talked she told wat's in store and she so sweet she gave us drink coupons, two some more. So sweet rite. haha. Then we alekd a while more, And then it happened DAARA J, came on stage and made my day.

DAARA J, DAARA J, wow, they're this hip hop african rap group and they are just phenomenal. The music was so spritual and hip that it made a fan out of me. Oh, one of the singers from sengal he looked cute, but DJ was cuter. DAARA J, theír dressing and hair and everything about them was so cool. Especially when they danced and rapped, it was just so awesome. I LOVE DAARA J! So they left after giving an excellent performance, so cool! We made our way to the club set with TALVIN SINGH! Brudder Brudder!

Hindi songs mixed with dance and trance music, some were awesome and some were irriating as Mr. Singh, kept repeating the verse over and over agian. then suddenly there was this sharp sund, part of the music, it hurt our ears i tell u, and then suddenly there was smoke, at one point in time, i could not see my cuz man, so thick and it smelled like thouse plastic bubbles and we put on the end of stick and blow. Man!

Oh oh, at one point in time we three wer facing in other and dancing right then suddnely there was this Ang Mor guy, holding a beer can in his hand and think he was trying to get through us and he bumped into me, with his can, and i looked up and he gave this Smile that showed all his teeth and his eyes were blue and it looked straight inot my eyes and his hair was golden and he was white right, It was so SCARY! Yes SCARY! Go figure! *shudder* He looked liek a psychopath! Seriously.

Then we were doing bangra moves and chilling and cannot tahan d, all day awake, need sleep, legs wobbly and feet hurting, and music started to get sucky, we made our way out went to get a drink and saw DORIS! so talked for awhile and then we sat at the stairs cooling orselves and chilling out and then DAARA J walked up, so cool, i wanted to scream DAARA J you rock, I did not, they went to the club set and then after a while came back down this time i really wanted to say something, I tell I NO GUTS sia! I felt like an ass, then Sarah went back to the club set for awhile and then DAARA J cmae back up again i tell u it was my chance, my heart said go for it and my mind stopped me, Have You Had The Feeling??? Coz this one was obvious, i wanted to clap again my hands failed me. No idea why, they were just there stanidng for awhile, then after that they left, dude i felt so sad. Sigh!

Then Srah came out and we Saw Cutie!!!! Kamini i mean from LASALLE as well, she's our seniour by one year, she was in Manchester doing her degree,m was supposed to meet up with her when she was here, but could not, felt bad, but hey fate has it's way. We talked and then we saw a few others working in the drinks sectiuon with us, i thought he would not recognise me, but he did, i was surprised and we hugged and talked. It was really awesome.

We left around 245am said to everyone bye and i told MOon to take a photo of DAARA J, esp the DJ hahah. He very cute lah! Photos Photos i reminded herm, haha, maybe that's why people don;t like me, am i an Air head????

So the night ended, we shared a cab back home, it was a good day Saturday, I love it!!!!!!!!!!

2004-08-04T13:48:00.000+08:00

I can feel you breathing, and it's keeping me awake,
Can you feel it beating my heart's sinking like a weight...
- Yellowcard, Breathing

I'm hooked on that song, the music is so up and down and the violin makes it tranceful, if there's a word.

Anyways, i seem to be taking long breaks from this blogging, that's coz my life ain't that interesting. It's always been uninteresting. Oh well, so what have i done for the past few weeks, well watch tv go to class, watch tv eat sleep. Good life init!? i'd say. Well, that's very much of my everydfay life. Saturday and Sunday would be outing day if there's an out to go to. All me friends are busy that's coz they're working. Well, last week me and me bro had good old fun.

Oh Oh we have the workout ball, wow the back ache's gone when you stretch yourself on that. NICE! hehe. Also the NEW VOYUER SUX!!!!!! Eeewwwww, it's white and blue and the paper quality so thin, toilet paper also better. The words are so big, so not interesting to read. Sigh!

What else, oh my presentation on my thesis paper is on the 5th of Oct and guess what i haven't finlaised my topic yet. I'm so screwed. I'm on the edge of bankrupcy and Sally saved me life....Thank you to Sally!

I be going to watch The Village today, My friend's treating me coz she owes me 2 movie tix hehe, so this is one. hehe.

I had a nightmare the other day! Me and my good friend Usha were walking at Bukit Ho Swee (my old time house), Anyways, we met her uncle and cousin which she don't like, and the girl her cousin started crying and Usha just ignored saying she's just an attention seeker. I decided to console her bein the good sole that i am (*Cough!*Cough!), anways she said that everybody was making fun of her because she's way too short for her age,13. Stupid right! Well it is a nightmare. Anyways, then we were in the lift, she stayed on the 9th floor and i on the 11th. The dad got out on the 9th and i noticed that he had suffered a stroke and as a result he hand could not move oh u know how a strokes person u knnow. Okay anwyays, when he got out, the lift closed itself and i could not press it open so i decided to bring Usha's cousin to my home then briong her back. I got off the lift on the 10th floor to walk up the stairs, next thing i knew i was carrying the girl and walking slowly and silently as if something was there, towards a long corridor that led to no where. Okay then Usha right was already going on her own right, and i was following, everything was dark and there were red lights those from the Chinese Gods kind of prayer thingys, freaky right. Then i saw this white old guy, and i looked down I was just holding onto the girl as tight as possible trying not to look frightened. Then this guy was playing football, all i could hear was the ball hitting the floor i looked up and yeah he was Chinese and had a red glow around him, sheesh i decided not to panic but walk slowly, he then stopped the ball, looked at me and pointed down. Nothing freaky rigt, i thought he was my angel, i tell you, he was like protecting from something. And then i walked down the stairs, and another corridor again, all the doors were closed no noise just incense and red glow, i walk walking this time a bit faster, and then i saw something at the corner of my eye at the other building. A man, wearing, a green tee shirt and shorts and the freakiest part was he was not in the house but scaling from bottom to top like gliding and i knew it was coming towards us. I panicked and ran, thinking he would not find us i ran faster heard footsteps, very close by, and then i turned to a corner and dead end. I wanted to knock on the door of somebody's house but something was forcing me not to, wierd out! then it was there just standng there and looking at us, as if we had done something horrid. HIs eyes were blank, his fae contorted in a smiling way, it was fraeky, gosh writing this is giving me the jitters. I then woke up, cold sweat i tell you! So horrible. It's just so freaky...

I have been having many dreams and nightmares and they all last pretty long. I wonder why!

Oh well, i gtg now! till after the movie! Syonara!

June till Now...lengthy? I'd say

2004-07-15T12:18:00.000+08:00

...Tidal waves they Rip right through me
Tears from eyes worn cold and sad
Pick me up now I need you so bad...
- blink 182

Okay so as you can see it's been one whole month since i logged on and even worte something. I'm so bad, i guess i really am not a journal writer.

So what has happened since 15 June, frankly speaking i can't remember. All i know my 21st B-day was on the 25th of June, i had a celebration it was fun, almost all the invited guests came. And yeah i have the money. money money money wat's so funny. Actually i'm not laughing. I can't save that cash, my aunt told me to use it for my daily expenditure for the whole year of school. dam it! hehe.

Anyways, yeah i have started school. Soing my degree in arts management. We had been asked why we took this degree, and well, i basically replied to have a degree. It kinda makes sense rite? i mean without it, esp in Singapore, you can never survive. I won't be surprised in another 2 or 3 years time. Cleaning supervisors need a diploma. Sheez.

I finally went clubbing. hehe. My friends and cousins asked me to. So i said wat the heck let's go try it. So we went to the new asia bar, which was on the 70th storey of The Westin Stamford hotel. Wow the view from there was breathtaking. It was really fantastic. Who knew Singapore had such a wonderful nite scene. But the club was filled with people in their late 20s and 30 somethings, so it was more like a sit and nod ur head kind of thing, BORING. Music played: changes every hr, BORING. from house, to hip hop. And the place was packed, the dance floor so tiny. Sheez, We got out of there and made our way to Cheeky Monkeys. We had to wait like 45minutes before we could even enter. Many Malays and Indians, and all were cool. The place rocked hard man, They played the raddest hip hop songs, wow, u can like dance all nite long. It was cool.

So that was in June. So far my life has been boring but not yet. School's started like i said. And classes are on every tuesdays and Thursdays. Monday, Wednesday, Friday are boring days. but i've got cable and i'm hooked onto the disney channel. My mind is like a child, sad but true. And i don't care. hehe. Anyways, oh yeah, i bought six albums so far.

- The Strokes - room on fire
- The Vines - winning days
- Yellowcard - ocean avenue
- Blink 182 - blink 182
- Keane - hopes and fears
- The Rock Matrix

I'm so hooked onto rock rite now. I'm sorta going through a speech crisis, my way of speaking is changing and adapting to the music and tv shows, it's wierd but cool. So anyways, i mite be going down to Melbourne this year for a holiday. Most prob in Dec. Let's hope i finish my IBL ASap. hehe.

Yesterday was the last episode of CSI season 4. NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I'm so sad rite now, I miss Greg Sanders already. *sigh* i just hope season 5 will come out ASAP, although i know it will not happen anytime this year. Oh god Why!!!! Now my wednesdays are so boring. I decided to watch buffy, My god, its getting more stupid. So i turned to Angel and sought help. And it helped. It's way better then Buffy wat is with directors? Anyways i had a dream at 6.30 in the morning.

I dreamt of an animation cartoon and i was part of it, no it was not from watching too much disney channel okay. Anyways, this whole scene kinda exploded in my head, it was like i was part of it. And no, i'm not turning into a cartoon. I sorta vanquished a monster with three other good friends and well it was really awesome. It's still in my head. Man i wished now that i had taken up animation. So this whole story filled my head. Is it a sign??? Who knows eh....some time in the future my very own cartoon hehe.
Wait, I think i watched too much Charmed. Hehe.

So today is another school day. I read a reading, and it was so perplex but i sorta get wat it's trying to say. That we humans see reality as a metaphor. Oh watever.!

What am i turning into...

2004-06-16T12:43:00.000+08:00

Take everything from the inside and throw it all away cause i swear for the last time, i won;t trust my self wih you....

The song in my head, currently.

Anyways, this week, including Sunday was busy, I would not say i was busy as a bee, but busy. Sunday, was my Grandma's 1st year death Anniversary, everyone came, had a memrorable time. It was fun, to have all the cousins around, and end up getting bulied by the elder ones, hehe.

Well, then Monday came, and i went to my aunt's house in Hougang, my uncle was there, and we talked and well yeah talked. He's very funny, and always said things saczarsticaaly that makes me laugh. hehe. Oh, i also went to colour, cut and highlight my balck long hair, well it's still long, but not that long. I let the hairstylist colour watever she thinks was best, and i must say she did a great job, though now i look like the indian Ah-lian, tat's wat my cuz Terence says, dam him, hehe. I have to see the reactions from my friends now, crossing my fingers. The hairstylist cut my hair, and also great and she also gave me a tail behind. It didn't seem to be outstanding at first, but the more i look at it, the more i dopn;t seem to like it. Oh well, who cares, now.

So yesterday, i finally made up my fickle mind, whether to go to OZ or not, and i'm not. I have decided to pursue my degree here and probably maybe if can, do my Masters in OZ. My friend Malar, could not be happier, the fact that i'm not going to Oz of cause. Bloody hell, she. hehe.

Fickle mind, yes that has been me, for the past two weeks. WAt the hell, it got my brother and my cousin brother Kishen, irritated. hah, it's getting me irritated as well. Maybe it's the planning of my Bday party, oh well. Hope it does not get really bad.

So today Wednesday, i'm going to collect my cheque from the Arts House finally. It took thme like almoost 3 weeks, dam them. After collecting going to swim at CCk, with Ayu and Sally. I hope the colour on my hair won;t run out, gotta buy a swim cap.

Well, more updates soon...hehe.

Kota Tinggi, Chilly init...

2004-06-12T01:16:00.000+08:00

Chilly, that was yesterday. I spent my day at Kota Tinggi. Yesh it's in Malaysia. Reached there about 4pm, went back home before 12am.

Kotta Tinggi, is a beautiful place, only the waterfall part of course. The waterfall was simply brilliant. It was magnificent. As you can tell, yes it is my first time seeing a waterfall in the real world. I went with my family, my aunt's and uncles and cousins and my grandma. They were great company. Me and my cuz, got changed and went into the higher part of the falls, where there were lesser peeps. When we got in, my oh my, the water was freezing. Me being a person who only bathes in hot water, obviously could not take the cold and neither could my cousin. You would have thought we would get out then, well you're wrong, we went in further till up to our knees, i'm telling you it was really really cold. You would then think it'll be okay once we stay in for awhile, again you're wrong, it was as chilly as when we got in. Really cool huh.

Then of course, who would have thought there were fishes. Well maybe you woul..shit an insect..........okay back, where was i, ah yes, the fishes. Like i said i didn't think there'd be fishes inside and i certainly didn't think i was ever in my ifetime going to swim with fishes. Well i did, and it wasn't that bad, till 1 fish brushed past my leg, oh the feeling...eeekkk. Anyways, we then got to the smaller waterfall. The algae on the rocks made it so slippery, the rocks kind of evolved into a natural water slide. Kept falling, and geting caught between rocks, but left with only sores. The smaller waterfalls, acted like a body massage. Oh yeah, it was really soothing, and i actually went behind the waterfall, only my head of course and saw the water fall in front of me, so cool. It was simply marvelous but we had to leave before the gates closed by 7pm. So it had ended, we were only sad that we could not have spent more time. But the 2hrs were excellent and well i could not ask for a better day than that.

Okay so that was yesterday, what about the days before and today. Sad to say. Nothing much. Went swimming on Monday and Tuesday, then was too tired on Wednesday, stayed home and slacked. Then today i went shopping and threading with Sally.

Threading. Doing my eyebrows seemed like a not imporatant and unneccessary thing to me, until recently my friend kept insisting that i go. I also was afraid of something going wrong, like wat if the person made it too thin, of wat if one side was longer than the other, the wat ifs has prevented me, till today, wen i actually got the courage to go and do it. And guess wat, it turned out brilliant. I never looked so matured. hehe. Thanks to my 4 friends who said my eyebrows were bushy and messy. Sally threaded her brows too, and she's looking good. After threading we went to Ikea, Sal bought a few frames and a poster and then the Hot weather made us feel so lethargic, well made me fell like tat, we went home. Oh we also bought a few shoes. hehe. So well that's for today, tommorow another day yet.

Yet another day...

2004-06-07T21:30:00.000+08:00

It's like i'm paranoid looking over my back, it's like a whirlwind inside of my head, it's like i can;t stop wat i'm hearing within, it's like the face inside is right beneath my skin....

That's the song i'm listening too at the moment, the first album of LP, i'm a huuuge fan i tell you, you have no idea oh well. I am so wanting to get $150 ticket to go to the concert that's comng up pretty soon yeh...dam it..how how how....arrgghhh

Anyways, went swimming with Sally today, man i am so dark, even my brother looked and laughed at me and said i'm not his sister and asked who is was, such a pain hehe. I hate it when i'm dark, it really really sux.

So i got back and watched TRL (total request live) on MTV and tadaaaa there standing were Daniel Radcliffe and Emma Watson, Daniel looks better on screen than off and Emma simply fabulous.

Jake Gyllenhaal is appearing as well but not i doubt there's TRL tom, so probably on Thursday, can't wait for that one. Whoo hoo! He's is such a cutie.

So now i'm in a dilemma, i've not got my results yet, but i have threee options. to go to UK ($55,000), Melbourne ($50,000) or study here ($15,000). I so wanna go to either UK or OZ. But i have to wait for my results which should be in the letter box this week, oh i'm so scared.

Today has also been another annoying day, yes my brther and cuz from JB so annoying arrrgghhh. Feel like slapping them at times, grrrr, i'm trying to ignore them now. Idiots. Idiots, grrrrrr....Listening to LP to relieve this annoyance....

Well that's it for today hoping for the best tom, i'm going Sarah's house to borrow a few books and watch sex in the city, i'm not a big fan of that show, not because i haven't watched it, but because of well....It's just me...

Fun and Bored

2004-06-07T00:38:00.000+08:00

Rite so where was i, oh yes.

And so it was Saturday and Chris and I had decided to go watch HP and the POA at Suntec, we also wanted to see the Singapore Idols. My friend Azfar msged everyone saying he got thru the first auditions and going for the second, nopw that's good news, he has a great voice and hoping he'll get at least to the top 10.

But judging from the people today on the news and seeing those who got in, he just mite be the next Idol.

Okay so we went for a movie, and yes seats were full as usual so we got tix to the next slot 730pm, but they were on teh first row. Firdaus came along with us, I had a great time with those two, they are very funny. Gonna miss them both, they're going to the army today.

So yes, in the movies, Firdaus and his uncontrollable laughter, he laugh like hyena, or maybe even louder than that, there was one point in which he was the only one laughing and so loudly at that. hhaha.. it was funny. Anyways, throughout the movie, i was just so take into Daniel Radcliffe, i was just so mesmerized by his good looks, and he's only 15, dam.

Watched HP and the SS today and i went like Oh my god, how much these kids have grown, they were like so little and now teenagers..wow. It was brilliant.

So that was Saturday, fun fun fun. Then Sunday today, was supposed to go to my aunt's brother's daughter's baptism today. NO one woke me up and i didn;t know wat the thing was, was expecting my aunty to wake me up, coz i tot she'd be going, i woke up at 11am and she told me that she's not going, and found out that my uncle who stays opposite me left already. I'm like bloody hell, they didn;t even tell me or more so asked if anyone was going with them. Well that pissed me off. Arrgghh, so i miised it, and now am hoping my Aunty in Jurong would not be angry.

Today has just been a bored and pissed off day, Harry Potter made my day, other than that, just stupid. Now am on the net and i find nothing to do, my friends are online, but find so little to talk, i played games, but also so boring, wnt to watch the tv but me bro's hogging it watching football, Dam i feel like screaming becasue i'm bored..

Looking forward later today, going swimming with Sally, should be a good workout...oh and i'm soooo tanned i hope it'll go off, b4 my bday...

Something Wicked This Way Comes

2004-06-04T00:29:00.000+08:00

Take Everything from the inside and throw it all away
Coz i swear for the last time i won't trust myself with you
Switch to
Something Wicked this way comes...ta da dum ta da dum dum dum
Those are the songs in my head

Okay acting crazy i think not, yesh yesh..ladies and germs. Ms Maria has broken the record of watching Shrek 2, The Day After Tommorow and Harry Potter, not on the same day though but she actually watched the lastest ones. She can't believe it herself.

June 1st (Tuesday), went swimming.

June 2nd (Wednesday): Vesak Day
Okay so Malar and me made plans rite to like watch Shrek 2, TDAT and HPandthePOA rite. But due to budget constraints we only watched 2 movies, yes i watched TDAT again. And it still was good. Tahi could not come coz of problems at home, so only three of us went, Vidz, Malar and me. Okay so we went to Plaza Singapura as usual, and there was this long queue, and then when we finannly got to the counter there were no seats for the 4 something shows and he rest were all on the first row. Haiz. And Harry Potter was Fully sold out. dam it. So we went to Tiong Bahru for a 4.25 show. Harry Potter was at 9 and i had to persuade Malar to come, i had to watch it, iwas dying to watch it. She said go tom, i said no. lol. Oh well, then she came, and we watched. And i felt as if i was in a magical world, wow i tell u that movie is awesome.

Well, i still am amazed and now i doth after Harry, it's just incredible, i know it's funny bvut he's really handsome. Oh well. Came back home at 1230am and watched CSI. Oh my day could not get any better than that day.

June 3rd (Thursday)
Nothing much, went down to Lyra gave them masks, thy're buying it from us, then followed Sally to her interview at the National Archives and then went Swimming. Watched Mtv TRL, guess wat they're having the cast of Harry Potter and Jake Gyllenhaal next week. OH my god, My mouth fell opn. I could not believe it. Anyways then i watched Wade Robson's Project, holy cow, it the guy good or wat. Then i watched Angel and then i came online. hehe. And now i'm doing an entry.

Tommorow i have an interview with Rhema. Event Co-ordiantor. Let's see how it goes. It's at Changi though. Oh well.

Thre days and all so not interesting

2004-05-30T14:08:00.000+08:00

Okay so i'm gonna start backwards

Friday (28/5)
I woke up at 12 as usual. was supposed to go swimming turned out there were too many hunks and babes around. And the swimming pool we always go to was under renovation, the wimming pool at her place at the country club we could not go, because her dad's card had expired, therefore decided to go Jurong East Swimming pool, we paid the cash, got in and yes, many many people around, and all skinny ones, sigh, she and me are very self-concious, u know, both of us in swimming costume, look like ham walking around, well at least more so me than her, so yeah, wait too many people see and laugh how, then we decided to go back to the country club ,it seems can pay $2 and go in, we went in, and then we had to give our ic at the counter, wah liow, so sian, heck already, we didn't go swimming after all, going on Monday this time at Delta.

Saturday (29/5)
Let's see, i had to work, yes work. A one day job, well, it's filling in for a friend, Debbie. But i get paid for it, so what the hell. Remember the Gallery Sitting job, i said earlier, well yeah Debbie got it. So i started at 11am, man i woke up like so early, at 9am, hmmm. Went there, and all i did was sit and guard the gallery, so boring, lucky i brought my book, and i finished it, haiz. Bored like hell. 11am - 7pm, doing nothing, but stare into space. Luckily i had worked at the Arts House before, so i knew the people in it and they talked, so i did not feel so lost.

Sunday (30/5)
Another day, i woke up at 1130am, and well watched nothign actually, my uncle came and watched Sun Tv, this Indian Channel and then yah lor, but were of funny shots, so it was funny. And then well now just sitting an typing, doign nothing. Later, gonna meet my mum. Skipping shurch again, am i a sinner or what, i feel bad, but i dunno lah. Just that feeling of laziness again on a Sunday.

Had a nightmare, hope it don;t come true

2004-05-28T11:54:00.000+08:00

Another night, another dream.

This time, i got my results slips back, transcripts. Yesh!
D-day. Anyways, i was looking at it and it showed my worst fears.
Yes, Passes and Failures. Oh my god. But somehow i managed to pass, with 56%. but not enough to go Melbourne. Oh my God, then i saw another transcript, Sally's one, she got 71%. Like whoa man.

Haiz. Then i woke up. I very scared now man. feel dam shitty.

Had a dream, hope it'll come true

2004-05-28T01:38:00.000+08:00

Am very tired and sleepy, thought i should write this down, before i forget about the whole thing.

I actually had a dream about Linkin Park. Well, not exactly them, but i was at their concert. It was so funny and wierd, the concert was indoors, like Harbour Pavilion (last time one at WTC, the lights were right mode. Me and Sarah were there and we came in late, and were standing at the front row, near the stage. Coolest thing, no barricades, till someone in the audience, told us to sit down on the seats. Seats at LP concert? 1st wierd thing. The other wierd thing was Felecia came into the picture, yeah and she and Sarah were standing on the other corner of the place, i could see them, wanted to join them, but was afraid, of getting scolded again. Then, suddenly there were games, like a game show, only this time was the Chinese kind. Haha, second wierdest thing. I was waiting and so excited that LP were going to perform any moment, when when

Grrrrrr...my cousin came and pinched me awake, grrrr.

Anyone wanna analyze this dream??? Man i felt like i was in the LPU and gonna meet them. Coolest dream ever man.

Good Old Fun

2004-05-27T02:36:00.000+08:00

Been two days, well nothing much happen..except alot of fun fun fun.

Just finished watching CSI and NYPD BLues, yeah back to back, advert change channel, boring change channel. Wasfun. Got back at 1am today, lucky my aunt was asleep, wait i die, she'll lock me out man.

Why i came back at 1. Here's what happened today.

I was supposed to got to work today right. Well, my friend msged me saying 'u don;t need to come today, but come in on Saturday'. So i'm like okay, but before that i received an sms from Sally at 730am sayning Joyce wants her Ramyana book back today and she said she would like to advice us and talk to us about the future.
I told her i can;t i've got work at 2pm. Then i slept and Deb msged me saying well yeah not to come in today around 12pm. Man, i could've gone school. Anyways, i decided to go toschool, went Deb msged me agian asking me to ocme in around 4pm, i said i can't needed to meet Joyce at 3pm. Then i go so lay and stuff till i only left my house aorund 5pm. Man, that sucked.

When i got to school it was around 6pm, and what a surprise Joyce was not there. So i left the books with Venka. Then met Chris and Azfar, had a bit of time to spend, so they went to the music room and played the instruments. Chris played the piano and Zfar played the drums. I was surprised that he could play, needs practice though, but allswell. I kept watch, haiz, wish i could play some insturment. must go learn when i got the cash.

Then we went to the Animation and Video Graduation show. Went there to support my friend Fadhil. He's a really cool guy, very funny as well. His animation rocks, was cool. Then met up with Johnathon, my foundation year friend. So long no see him. He can drive now, idiot hehe. Drove his mum's car to school. I wanted to leave when they suggested to go for a movie. It was quite late around 9 and once the movie was done i could not take the bus. Johnathon said he'll drop me off, hehe so sweet. hehe. So yeah went to watch 'The Day After Tommorow. The movie kicks ass man. I rally enjoyed it. Before the movie though we had a bit of time in our hands, went to the arcade, played racing, hah good old fun.

Well as i was saying the movie is terrific, only for those who are interested to know how the world can end. Jake Gyllenhaal is such a cutie. *sigh*

Anyways, so that's explains why i got back at 1am. So today was great. Never thought i'd get back so late and not get caught. Thank god. Very SLeepy now, tommorow is another day....

Fun Day was today...

2004-05-25T00:25:00.000+08:00

Hot Hot Hot, haha, not today. Yes sir, today was a beautiful day, it was not that hot, it was just what i would say okay, not perfect though.

Night has fallen, and it's been so fast that i felt i had just awoken. The day just went by so quickly.

Anyways, Sunday went to my friend's Begum's house after the workshop at Lavendar. Oh yeah, the workshop: a disaster, horrible, almost no people and we had to lower the price from $12 to $8, way low, and to top it all off, we didn't get paid yet, becasu eit was a coupon system. They said they'll give us a call, i hope they do it fast though. Skipped church, went to me girlfriend's house and we (Malar, Begs and me) watched the Prdhana Vizha and indian grammy award kind of thing local one of course, blah blah. We talked about what's happeing and stuff, i always have the best times, when hanging out with them. We decided to stay at Malar's house in June, a BBQ at her place then go out, sounds cool? Well i think so, hehe.

Well, Sunday was okay, went aite, then before i knew it Monday came. Set my alarm to 10am but only woke up at 12pm. Haiz! so sleepy, hehe. Had to go to school, was late took a cab, waste money. I was so happy to be in school, it seemed like a 10 year reunion party hehe, and all me classmates remained the same, heheh. So well, it was good to see almost everyone, and it was sad to part. Had a good time with them, gosh i''m gonna miss them dearly, well only the ones, whom i know i;m gonna mis at least, but Thank God for the internet and thank interenet for the msn, the email system and now blogs..hehe.

Today's topic: Degree in AM. Well, i have a feeling i'm not gonna pass to go and get a Degree, but i have a strong urge to take it. So i am scared yet i am confident, it's a very wierd feeling.

After the so called parting, Sally and me wanted to go Macritchie, yes yes to jog, and it's not boasting *hinting to Azfar*, hehe, we took bus number 14 thinking it'd stop at Bugis, and so it didn't it stopped opposite Bugis, we dropped at Shaw Towers, and surprise surprise, we went to watch a movie. hehe. Shrek 2 was our weight loss expert. hehe.

Shrek 2, is funny, i didn't watch 1, but it told the story, the donkey reminded me of Azfar so much in common with him man, the teeth, the annoyance (hehe), and then there's the 3 little pigs, Chantalle, Kerine and Doris, then there's Prince Charming, so Firdaus hehe, oh well, the movie was brliiant, it had all the fairy tales characters in it, hah aso funny.

It was almost 8 when the movie was done. Malar called me, the conversation went:

Malar: 'Marie, you busy ah?'
Me: 'No, wassuop?'
Malar: 'Want to go for audition?'
Me: 'Audition? What audition?'
Malar: 'Mediacorp Vasantham Central'
Me: Hhahahahhah! You think my Tamil that good is it...
Malar: 'Just go lah, they looking for actors/actresses'
Me: 'I not interested in acting malar, you go lah'
Malar: 'No you must come'
Me: 'You go i follow'
Malar: 'No you also must come'
Me: 'Please lah hor' You interested is it?
Malar: 'No lah'
Me: 'What the hell, then why you ask'
Malar: 'Just for fun lah'
Me: Stupid
Malar: hahhaha okay bye

End of conversation

Hhaha, this girl is just funny, man, why the hell would i want to act? She said then can win the Prdhana Vizha award thingy...hahha funny man she. Well, she perked up my day as well.

Home Sweet home, watched tv, watched me bro play Playstation and now on Blogsville.

Tommorow, a long day....

Oh well

2004-05-23T00:31:00.000+08:00

Okay, so what happened, lotsa things, not exactly but yeah, if you know what i mean,

Okay it's a Saurday and i woke up at 745am having slept at 4am, for the workshop at Lavendar. It was a really really hot hot day yet again, hmmm, i woke up started to pack stuff, brought a whole box, which was heavy over there. My uncle Roland, gave me a hand and he gave me a lift as well to Lavendar, hehe, save taxi fare.

So then i waited for my partner Sally, and then we went to set up our stuf. Best part: Nothing actually, Worse part: hmmm, let's see, it's a hot hot day, the number of fans were limited, no wind, no people to do our workshop, and didn;t make any profit. Sigh!!! Oh well, let's hope tom, will be better though!

Anyways, omg, today was a horrible day as well, my aunt found out about my bro, owing poeple money and stuff and betting, and it became a whole big issue of course. My brother got slapped my anither uncle and i cried, I don't like people rasing hands on the ones i love, i cry. Oh well, i'll keep praying for him, no matter what happens i'll always be there my his side. supporting him, although he is in the worng. Oh well. I love very much and very dealry. just that he does not see that yet. I guess, its the phase in life, a teenager.

Well, then so nothing much else happened, oh yeah my frind Chritiaan, my my he put on weigh and he looked buffed, Good fer him, coz he must get prepared for the army, though he still looks plae though.

Well, let's hope Sunday will be a better day, and i need $150 for LP concert...dam...

Again someting i wrote...

2004-05-22T01:21:00.000+08:00

Have we got no say at all
In this pretentious world we are living in

Have we got no say at all
What we think of this world today

Speak they say, voice out your opinions
But what if we do speak, do we get arrested for voicing out the truth

Truth about how we are be left in the dark
Of what’s happening around us today

No worries, everything is under control
How is it that you have taken things under control, war or peace?

War is not a pretty thing, but to obtain peace this is the way
What about other ways, ways in which negotiations are used

We have tried our best and the result is war they say
Did they actually find peace after the war or did it make it worse

More of them there will be in the future
More war and yet no peace

What’s the point in fighting when nothing is going to resolved
Live life freely and happily, cause if you don’t then no one will!

- Maria '04

Not a bad day after all...

2004-05-21T18:48:00.000+08:00

Song in my head, The Reason by Hoobastan. Why no idea. Verse, 'I found a rason for me, to change who i used to be...'Why no idea.

Anyways, what's been up? hmm...nothing much, i daresay the weather is heating up agian. Dam....Hot, even as i sit infront of my comp, i'm perspiring like i'm in aa hot tub or something.

So okay i missed Angel, Boo hoo! Again, i told myself last night i'd watch it today, but hell no, i didn;t wake up till like 1130 and then i had to go down to meet Sally for this workshop we're having at Lavendar.

Hope: To get as much money to firstly, recover the money we spent for the masks and then a PROFIT of OnE mIlLiOn dollars..muahahah...who am i kidding, i just wish i can make enough for me to get a ticket for the Linkin Park Concert coming June 22 at The padang...Yeah!! whoo hoo! hehhehe. As you can see i'm a fanatic of LP. I went to their concert in KL, sneaking out, telling home i'm at the chalet and even skipping school. Wow that was the best day of my life, and the irst time i've done something daring. But of course with friends lah, if not i won;t go alone man. heheh.

Anyways, the workshop starts tom and finishes on Sunday. I then have a gallery sitting job for ONE DAY ONLY! Wow! heheh. But it's good coz then i have $40 doallrs. You must think i'm pathetic, i probably am, no job, no money, but it's cool.

Yesterday was a eye candy day. hehe. I had tpo go to church for mass becuase it was the Ascension, at 7pm. I wore my denim skirt and a red blouse, and my face was as horrible as ever. found a empty space sat fdown and infornt of me sits a guy and my god, he's so cute, dam it, he was sitting infront of me, hehe. Could only see his side face, cute. And then we had to tell 'peace' to everyone, and he turned and said peace, and hubba hubba, heheh, hes just cute lah.

Ahh well, i was half expecting to see the ang moh guy who i had my eye on for a long long time. Saly, he did not come, come to think of it it's been awhile.

Anyways, was supposed to go watch a movie with me Sec. school mates, Van Helsing, I have the cash, but i don;t want to spend it, coz i know i'll need it soon enough.

Saw the Lions at Raffles Place, quite cool, some were just so
corny. Was listening to POwer 98 in the bus and wow, they were like playing all the shiok songs, it was simply fantastic. Came back home at 5pm sat and watched television, watched Nikelodeon. hehe.

Am going to watch Nick back at 7.30, the brother garcia, u guys should watch it, quite cool. Oh well nothing else happend. Oh yeah i saw Ramada, this singer on this Tamil Variety show, that me and my friend can't stop looking at. hehe. He's looks cute and cool on tv, but when i saw him today, i changed my mind. hehe. Well, he just looked like an indian from india, if you know what i mean, Well that's it for now. Will write soon.

Understanding: someting i wrote

2004-05-20T13:55:00.000+08:00

I wrote this when i my my friend grately misunderstood some stuff, i got so angry with her and wrotethe below.

Undertstanding

Understanding is not an easy thing to do
Especially when you’re full of yourself and have nothing else to do

Understanding can take days or months or years
And no one can accomplish it within and hour

Understanding is not an option
It’s part of your life, and you have to deal with it

Understanding another is as tough as committing yourself
It will eat you alive if you misuse it

Understand the world surrounding you
Which is cruel yet happy at times

Understand your neighbour
Why they do that which is forbidden

Understand yourself
Before you think about others

Understand the truth
You’re nothing more than just a human

Understand the power
You don’t have when you are in trouble

Understanding these will not be easy
But whoever said everything was meant to be easy
- Maria '04

Comments anyone? i know it's sux..hehe, am not a good write am i?
Anyways, when i get angry or miserable and happen to be infront of my computer i just write stuff that comes from my mind. But i don't know if it makes sense or not. Oh well.

Do comment....

What a day

2004-05-20T13:34:00.000+08:00

Didn't write anything yesterday, was watching television...

What i did yesterday, hmmm i was watching my brother play Harvest Moon on Playstation, that bugger didn't go to school again! two days in a row, he asked me to type a letter to his teacher, i said no, and he said pls lah, hahha so funny, i pitied him and said okay. So i typed him a letter and forged me mam's signature. hehe.

Anyways after that i had emailed to a few friends and colleagues regarding trips and my salary, and only my friends have replied and not the dam colleague, she sux..grrr. I got another email regarding ushering and she said she'll add me to the list, and email me when there is positions available so it's cool.

Darn, i didn't get the job, but i can work on one day (Saturday), i think it's filling in for my friend, but it's okay as long as i get the money. heheh mean init!

Well, i finally went for a jog, surprisingly i could jog, like halfway but i then walked, hehe. The best part about the jog is i didn't have any shortness of breath, i was like wow. I was breathing heavily and deeply though, but as long as i didn't have to use the puff init?

I then came back home around 10, took a shower, i felt so refreshed, i then started to play Playstation. I tell you that game is addictive, but not as addictive as Buffy, CSI and NYPD Blue. Yeah they all rock! hehe. Say whatever you want, but i like these shows.

I played till about 1230, missed half and hour of Buffy, but i could relate to the story, then at 1am i watched CSI on cable, i tell you that show rocks like crazy,I love Eric Szmanda, he's so cute. Half way thru i was thinking 'what the hell am i doing watching CSI when they're replaying it tommmorow at noon? why don't i play Playstation?' but i did not, CSI is too good. hehe. After CSI i channel surfed and guess what i found, NYPD Blue, whoo hoo! I so forgot, and i watched that till 3am. I then wanted to play the game, but was too sleepy. the sad part is i missed Charmed and thought i could watch it today but......

I woke up at a whooping 1230, a slob aren't i? *sigh* I set my alarm at 10 but i switched it of and slept like a baby. hehe. now am writing this blog, it's becoming a habit, and it's fun. A miracle happened too, remember i said i could not access my msn. holy crap, i could just now. Wow! it was just amazing. I think God made it happen hehe, he understood how depressed i was not having msn. Oh well let's hope the comp, will recover itself.

Well, that's about it, hope everything goes well. Having a workshop, hope to make some cash out of it.

Hoping and Praying

2004-05-19T00:29:00.000+08:00

Whoa! It has been more than 2 days since i wrote something.

Okay, well, my computers giving problem. Man this really really sux, the windows program in my computer cannot be found!!! And i can't access my msn messenger. For two days i was left wondering and well i tot how about downloading again, that's wat i'm doing now just hope it works.

Okay it doesn't work, i feel so alienated, no calls, no MSN! Only way of keeping in tpuch with friends and its down the drain! Grrr...My uncle can fix the problem, but i need to bring the CPU to jhis place, and i need to take a cab, that one also i no money! Sigh! So i guess one week no MSN!!! NO life!!! grrrrr....

Anyways, what i have been doing for the past few days. Everydya seems liek a Saturday when u're at home! Hmm, i went to my friend Malar's house,it's been so long since i saw her and another friend of mine Begum. They're both the best friends that i could ever have. I then stayed at home for two whole days, playing nothing but Playstation, I'm so addicted to the game Harvest Moon:Back to Nature.

Got an email from my lecturer stating about a job as a gallery seater, called today and it's from this Saturday to next Monday, ten whole days. I was happy, but the sad part is i can't make it this Saturday due to workshop committments. I told the person and she said she'll get back to me! I so hope i will get it. I need the cash, for loads of reasons and the job will do, I am so stuck in a dilemma. Help!

I was supposed to go joggin today, but felt lazy, oh why oh why. Tom will be meeting Sally and Ayu to jog again. Same time Same place. Whoo hoo!

Sally msged me just now asking me to give her $180 dollars for the masks. Hell where to get the cash??? I just hope i can get it from my aunt, as it is i already owe her some cash. I am so hoping!!!

My cuz came over today , long time no see him. He and his stupid beard. hehe. My aunt came over too. Man so many poeple. So happening. hehe.

A letter came for the degree programme and my aunt read it thru. She asked me how? I said i don;t know, coz i really want to go to Melbourne. She said why not try it out, just send in the from, i tot about it and was like why not, if my results are not good enough to go Melbourne i can continue here init? And so i filled up the form but not yet mailed it. Tom will be the day.

My Aunt in Canda called and asked me to buy her mother in law blouses from CK at Chinatown, those durian looking ones. Said her mother in law wanted four of them. Hmm i wonder how she'd look like hehe.

My 21st Birthday, couldn't get a chalet, am so very dissapointed, very very dissapointed. I had it all planned out, and because of 1 late reply, man the whole thing crashed. Some said do at home, i tot if like tat, it's like a normal B-day, u know, plus the environment at my place, puh-leaseeeee, no party! I WANT a party!!! So tom, i'm gonna look for a place, either a room or a hall at the CC near by me place or some where else, where its cheap. My mum said she'll sponsor me so it's cool!

Hmm what else, oh yeah saw the trailer for Harry Potter this time on Television and my heart fluttered and my mind went whoozy, and i had this insane smile on my face and let out a scream of joy. I saw the trailer in January actually and then just last month over and over again on the net. YES I am a maniac when it comes to Harry Potter. I'm never too old. I must say Daniel is looking more handsome! hehe. Sigh too young...hehe. REAd all 5 books and they're all excellent i can't wait for the next HP movie the fourth installment. HP and the goblet of fire, oh that should be interesting.

What else, sigh, in conclusion to end this i hope i gett he cash from my aunt and the job that i called. Hope not enough i also gonna pray! Sigh...life is so bored staying at home with nothing to do. Oh oh i also did some friendship bans for myself, hehe but i got bored after awhile. I need to be kept entertained or i get bored easily. Let's hope tom will be a good day! Off now tata!

Dam...

2004-05-14T21:36:00.000+08:00

Listening to Reptilia by The Strokes, I am sitting and have been sitting infront of my computer for almost the whole entire day.

It's a new day and this is how i spent it.

It's been a very long and draggy day. Frankly speaking, i have know idea what to do today. School's over, work's over. darn...was looking forward to my jog this evening, turned out my friends did not want to go. Dam it.

Woke up at 930am felt so refreshed. After which, sat on my computer, compiled a new cd, checked emails and oh man, i played games, games and more games. I then went to fetch my cousins from school and then played more games. I tell i have no life!!! hehe.

Well, watched a bit of television, Nickelodeon!!! whoo hoo!! hehe. I simply just love that channel. And now, played more games and well yeha writing a blog.

My friend Malar called and we talked for less than 1 minute. I tried to read a book, but could not do so, as i have just HArry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and well yeah can't read any book, because Harry's still in my head. hehe. Can't wait for the movie to be out. whoo hoo! Me and Harry go a long way! hehe.

Anyways, now I'm chilling, nothing much to do. Not much programmes on tv, me bro went to play football so boring. He's a real darling. He always make me laugh and i'd be so bored without him.

Well, that's it for today. My life on Friday, is such a bore. Bleh!

Hope tommorow would be better!

Whoa!

2004-05-14T00:26:00.000+08:00

Wow, okay they say there's a first time for everything and this is my first time doing a blog.

Today was a really really Hot hot day man the way the sun glazed down was as if there was no ozone layer or clouds at all. Sheez! So hot, i had to go to work and get a singnature from my supervisor. I was scared to go back as i had not been there for more than a month. My supervisor read through my report and said she didn't know what i had been going through and stuff, i so wanted to cry.

After that i went to school to pass up my Log book (yeah it's been awhile). I went home around 4 plus and before i had to leave my house again to go to Macritchie. Hot hot hot!

I jogged with my two friends today and hope to continue almost every other day. After jogging, well i practicarly walked throughout, we had a nice chat. It's alwsys been great having them as company.

I have finished school and yet i feel like i have not. It's been 3 years since i've been in school and it only looks like yesterday i started foundation. I sure am ging to miss everyone i know as they have ben really good freinds and classmates, i'm sure i'll bump into them sometime but i guess it won't be how it used to be.

Well, i feel refreshed after the jog. Arts Management has made a pig out of me. All i do is wake up go to school and go home and when back home sit in front of the computer for hours. Wah liow! no excerccise, no time to excercise. Oh well, it's better now or never init?

Weel that's it for now, tommorow will be a new day!